Silly Poems

doing a boiler

by Liz Marshall

I have a little boiler in the kitchen
It hangs quite neatly right behind the door
In Summer it just manages hot water
In Winter I require rather more

It keeps the radiators running hotly
It fills the bath with water, piping hot
The power shower is my very favourite
I’d say I like it quite a very lot

The boiler shows the temperature in numbers
That are red and glowing bright so that I know
Just how hot the water’s heating up inside it
But then one day the boiler said FO

To say that it felt rude is understatement
The bally thing just packed up, wouldn’t go
No glowing numbers and the house was freezing
I felt I had the meaning of FO

I rushed upstairs to try and find the manual
To check the meaning of this F and O
To find out why it really wasn’t working
To see if I could try and make it go

The booklet said the boiler had no pressure
A thing it really needs so it can go
It said if I just added some more water
Then that would soon get rid of big FO

I rummaged in the tool box in the kitchen
At last I found the implement required
I reached my hand up, deep inside the boiler
And screwed until the bleeder finally fired

The moral of this complicated ditty
Is, when I see lights flashing on and off
Make sure I give the boiler a good screwing
Or it might tell me I can just f***off

ode to Clodagh's dead Mac

by Andy Curtis

O nine inch screen, you no longer gleam
And your keyboard now falls still
O telnet node, O place of abode
Your passing is a bitter pill.

all in wonder

by Andy Curtis

Washer-dryer, Fridge-freezer
Fax-Phone-Scanner-Printer
Cassette-CD-Minidisc-Tuner-Amplifier
Teamaker-clock radio-alarm-smoke detector
How long before we buy one single machine
That does everything?

time on my hands

by Andy Curtis

First, I had a wind-up watch
It served me well, I had no complaints
The odd minute missed was not a problem
Then, as fashion dictated, I got a digital watch
Now I live in fear lest it be one second wrong
What have I gained?

luddite

by Andy Curtis

The machine they sold me did not work
So they sold me another one
To fix the problem
Now I have two machines
But I do the job myself

my little psion

by Karen Hall and Andy Curtis
(Written whilst Andy was in hospital.)

I love my little Psion
It's powers will amaze
It's smaller than a laptop
And it's batteries last for days

I love my little Psion,
I take it everywhere
I know I can rely on
It mailing thru the air.

I love my little Psion
I use it when I'm vexed
And need a friend to cry on
I just send out a text

I love my little Psion
I'm using it though ill
Communicating with the outside world
Gives me a wondrous thrill

But I wish my little Psion
Wasn't needed for this poem
I'd much rather be creating
This drivel, live from home.