Silly Poems

Seeds

by Andy Curtis & Liz Marshall

An awfully bad farmer called Joe
Had a field that he wanted to sow
So he prayed for his needs
But he planted no seeds
So, you see, there was nothing to grow

career change

by Liz Marshal & Andy Curtis

There was a big man with a limp
Who decided that he'd be a pimp
So he bought several whores
And took them indoors
Where he trained them to screw with a chimp

seasoning

by Andy Curtis

There was a daft idiot called Rod
Who lived his whole life in a pod
It was 'neath the sea
So when he did pee
It flavoured the nearby cod

(Co-author Liz Marshall)

twosheds

by Andy Curtis

A stupid composer called Twosheds
Had two wives, two houses and two beds
His spouses complained
And Twosheds felt drained
So he cloned, got two bodies and two heads!

music?

by Frank Charlton

There was a young man with a flute
Upon which all day he did toot
But the two guys next door
Couldn't take any more
And inserted it right up his chute

one man band

by Andy Curtis

Once, in the country Peru
Lived a bongo drum playing gnu
He kept up the beat
With all four of his feet
And accompanied himself on Kazoo.

gas

by Andy Curtis

A trachiostomy patient named Joe
Was unable to suck or blow
So he stood on his head
And farted instead
A most efficacious show!