Silly Poems

the humble roll

By Liz Curtis

Dedicated to Ian


toilet roll hanging - right and wrong

Next time you go to the loo
'Cos you have something big to do
Please consider the humble roll
And make conservancy your goal
Keep it turning up and over
And you will use so much less

Maybe you need just a wee
That's a two piece, maybe three
A constipated crap is more
So maybe you should start at four
But keep it turning up and over
And you will use so much less

But if a great big dump's your need
Then counting pieces you'll not heed
You'll reel it off in one big go
And not disturb the bowel's flow
But keep it turning up and over
And you will use so much less

Now diarrhea's a different case
It rarely ends up in one place
Yards and yards is what you'll need
For that you'll want a rapid feed
So bugger it and turn it over
And sod it if you don't use less

dust 2

by Liz Curtis

(floating dust particles)

It’s back again
For grain by grain
Because it must
Down falls the dust.

It gathers round
Without a sound
Coating articles
With its tiny particles.

Oh, blow it not.
For then it’s shot
Up in the air
To gather there.

Then gently floats
And softly coats
All that it touches.
So have a butchers

At all that dust.
For it was just
In front of me
For all to see.

dust

by Andy Curtis

(actual dust particles)

I  saw some dust
And it was just
In front of me
For all to see.

I saw some dust
Or was it rust?
It was quite small
Hard to see at all.

I saw some dust
I had it sussed.
It’s gone today
I blew it away.

I still hold fast
To recent past.
I think I’m bust.
I miss my dust.

owed to a piano tuner

by Liz Curtis

He fondled his tool
As he sat on the stool
His face showing deep concentration
He poked with his prong
Just to help him along
And my heart thrilled with anticipation

The tones were so deep
My heart gave a leap
So sonorous was the vibration
Whereas tones that were shrill
Caused my heart to stand still
And my spirit to soar with elation

As the handle he turned
My heartstrings all yearned
To attune to his sensual desires
My butt felt amazing
My hammers were blazing
To check out those finely tuned wires

My heart fairly hummed
As the strong fingers strummed
The sound pouring out seemed to soar
Then he slammed down the lid
That'll be forty quid
He said as he walked out the door