AndyBlog

So, Andy, how's the diet going?

It's the question on the lips of just about everyone I encounter these days. It's rather nice to know how many people care and want to know about the progress.

The truth is that I am noticing weight loss, and also cash loss. £66 quid a week is a lot to pay for a few sachets. So, with this in mind I am exploring other avenues of acquiring the same sachets, but without the high cost. The alternative lies in the name "Cambridge". I'll let you know how I get on.

Other than that, living this way is a bit grim, but there is a goal, and I intend to make massive progress towards it in the shortest possible time. If that means a few months of hardship, so be it.

So, there you have it. All is well. I am still on the programme.

Jason and the scales of wisdom

Jason arrived yesterday with two sets of scales, a short plank and a cunning plan.

Thank you Jason. You're great.

A whole week of food

There it is - everything and more that I will eat in a week.

It's a very simple diet, this diet I am on. One diet bar a day and three shakes. Nothing more, nothing less. Eat more and I am in big trouble, eat less and she is just as mad.

"She", of course, is my LighterLife guru.

So, I am finding ways to be sure I can eat it all. I have a huge problem finding these thing appetizing. The bars are fine - I even semi-like them. The shakes are tough. The savoury ones must be served hot and this heat brings out the nasty taste the most.

I add plenty of Tabasco and black pepper to them. As for the sweet ones.... I add even more Tabasco and black pepper.

Still, I should cheer up, it isn't forever. (It is)

I think I need to ask someone when I have to aim for - how long the weight loss process takes. I'm two weeks in now and starting to chomp at the bit to see evidence of weight loss. This is rather hard when I cannot get weighed anywhere. seems I am too much of a man for the scales at LighterLife, and no-one has a beefier set for me to try.

It's a shame, because I don't get any credit for the weight I have already lost, and I don't really have a figure for how heavy I was to start with. If you're reading this and think you might be able to get me on a set of 250kg scales, please do let me know. It would help a lot.

Surveillance

Click the engaging button if you dare.

Waterworld

Thanks to Jason for the only comestible gift I can make use of right now

Once on this diet, one thing quickly becomes clear. Water. Water, water, water. Water. WATER. (water) If you don't like water, don't even consider it.

From waking up, even through the night, my mission is to drink water. It is water that works the magic, water that stops me feeling empty and water that is a catalyst for the weight loss process. The powdered food packs help by making me thirsty, but it's important to keep ahead of the drinking regime.

The water helps too, because it is something to do through the day. You're never alone with a 1litre bottle of water - and it's important to finish at least 4 of those per day.

So I am slightly sloshy. I am enjoying espresso coffee for my caffeine hit. I thought I might drink black instant coffee, but it hold little attraction. Because the water intake is so high, espresso is fine - it gives me what I need. I am sure that there is some significance to them not banning caffeine-based drinks. Maybe the caffeine helps the diet in some way. I might ask.

I sense that I am becoming a diet bore. Sorry for being so public about this - I just need to keep it all out in the open. Failure is not an option this time. Motivation is what it is all about - and I am very motivated. What will help even more, is when I feel the first few pounds peeling off.

It can't be far away. Thanks again to everyone who has been encouraging me. I'd list names, but I suspect I'd forget someone and thus offend them slightly.

I'm taking this week off formal work - although as Jason learned to his cost, I am still invoicing. Often for work I have not yet done. It's surprising and heartwarming to see how many clients still pay.

Andyhow, no more diet-related postings for a while, unless something that is actually interesting happens.

In hope of improvement

The start of the diet hit hard today. I had a terrible night, afflicted by a bad headache. When I awoke, it had grown up into a full scale migraine. I couldn't keep a thing down - including my pain killers. Yuk - I felt dreadful.

After a day in bed being texted with good wishes but feeling like death warmed up, I now feel a lot better. Not 100%, but well enough to come downstairs, answer a few mails and write this. Strangely, I don't yet feel well enough to do the washing up. My brief sorties into the kitchen have been to make one of the diet shakes I have been so kindly provided with.

They are horrible. Not at first, five minutes afterwards - and then for hours onwards. I guess this is part of the test. These first three days of the diet are supposed to be the worst, and that's certainly the way it is shaping up so far.

I have four sachets of powder to get through each day and four litres of water. I can hack the powders - but the water is a real tough one. Because I spent a lot of today in bed I missed valuable water drinking time. Not only that, but a lot of the water I did manage to drink came back up again.

So here's hoping for a better day tomorrow. The hunger pangs are now in full force, and I notice even boring foods seeming very attractive. That can of corned beef has never looked so good.

It's been a strange day.

Many thanks to Jason for taking such a wonderful "before" picture for me.

Lighter Life Ahead

So this is it. D-Day. Diet Day.

Time to ship off to Lighter Life in Blyth and shed my food-guzzling persona in favour of one who abstains almost completely from any dietary intake, apart from water.

Becoming slim is a compelling notion for me, having been so overweight for so long. There is much that I have even forgotten how to miss about being smaller.

They tell me that the first week is hell, so please expect a slightly grumpy me in the next week. I am officially taking next week off in order to afford me time to spend at home working on more personal projects. I will enjoy getting tucked into some nice creative music and video. For me that is relaxation.

I am told reliably, that if I keep to the regime, I will soon look very much like this woman. I'm sure a good many of you will find that entertaining, to say the least.

Maybe even distressing. That said, she certainly looks happy, and I'm rarely one to turn some happiness down.

What interests me, in a more analytical way, is the extent to which my reduction in size will affect the amount of pain I feel from my damaged legs. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Sincere thanks to all who have expressed support in various ways. Special thanks to Jason, who brought me a celebratory box of Bounty bars round today - ready for me to eat later tonight as I break the diet merely minutes into it. Bless you Jason.

I should remind the radio listeners amongst you that my postponed show is on at 11pm tonight. details, as ever, at http://www.adlib.co.uk.

Those of you who pray - please pray for me. Those of you who don't... well, now is a great time to start.

Doctor Doctor

Ah, the dear old Thompson Twins.

It wasn't you and your brother, was it Jason?

It was a trip to the doctors for me today. I have been feeling sufficiently unwell to prevent me from working properly, so something had to be done.

As a result, I have a shiny new pack of pills which seem to be doing an excellent job so far. I also have a shiny new referral to the pain clinic at Wansbeck Hospital.

I really like my current doctor. He listens to me and takes notice of what I say. He seemed interested and cheered by my other bit of health news.

So, here it is. the latest and perhaps greatest of my attempts to lose weight. Lighter Life is quite a radical approach to weight loss, because it enables those on the program to simply "give up eating". I can understand how this works, because when I stopped smoking I was able to give up completely. Had I had to cut down to 4 per day, I doubt I could have done it. So, with eating on a standard diet, it is rather tough having to eat some stuff, whilst staying away from anything even remotely exciting.

This system provides good nutrition so that I get the nutrients I need and I would need to drink a whole load of water. It will be interesting to see how it pans out. I am looking forward to completely de-toxing and clearing my system out. I'm looking forward even more to losing shed-loads of weight.

The system is backed by counselling sessions and CBT. (cognitive behavioural therapy) The therapy deals with correcting wrong thinking about food and attitudes to food so that when food is re-introduced all should be well. It'll be an exciting adventure for me, and I look forward to it ushering in a whole new era in my life.

I'd rather like to leave the obese me behind, and I believe that my mind is in the right place now.

I'll miss the meals though. Oh yes.

A right balls-up

Thanks to Steve Forster for this cutting-edge illustration. It illustrates a method, perfected by his brother, Terry, for removing the back wheels of piglets.

Simply chase the piglet into the the milk churn, and then (once wedged firmly) quickly slice and pop-out as required. “The hardest thing is ignoring the noise”, said Terry, laughing warmly over a cup of tea as we shared this touching tale.

Using this method, he was able to remove the testicles of over 150 piglets a day, instead of around 40 using the old “grab-and-attempt-to-hold-and-get-quite-badly-hurt” method.

Thank you for reading this educational piece. God bless you.

Massively important health update

I'm feeling a good bit better today.

There. Happy now?