AndyBlog

17 Sep 2012

Shock horror! Church holds Christian singing service featuring also some talk about God.

Yes, I know this sounds a little ridiculous, but it's true. Woodhorn Church, near our beloved Newbiggin, no longer functions as a working church and it's future is in some doubt. So, it being a truly remarkable building, the "Friends of Woodhorn Church" we're formed as an active group looking to find positive ongoing uses for the grade one listed building that would guarantee its use and safety in the years to come.

These last ten days have featured some of the most successful events yet. The concert a week last Saturday was a triumph, featuring five great singing acts and yesterday's 'Songs of Praise' was, in effect, the closing ceremony for an awesome flower festival.

I had the honour of playing the piano for this sell-out event and I was blown away to see the church packed to the rafters. More literally than you might imagine.

If you're in the Ashington area and are not involved on any level with this project, you really are missing out on a uniquely good thing. I'm so glad I have the health and strength to play my part.

The best woman for the job was a man*

I had become aware, over the last few months, that my flat had succombed to untidiness.**

In a defiant and unbending effort to get it cleaned up, and in acknowledgement that under no circumstances whatsoever was I ever going to get up close and personal with the stuff on the floor (It's just too far away, darnit), I decided my only alternative was to ask for help.

Knowing my financial options were desperately limited, I knew I was going to have to ask someone who may start the job for money, but was destined to finish the other 98% out of some sort of pity for the state the place was in and maybe my own general lack of ability in the mobility department.

I made the call. So, after some further muted discussions today was decided upon as the day of destiny for my filthy abode. The door duly opened at the assigned time of three-past-ten in the morning and, after a few final expletives - breathed out in an awed voice as the full extent of the job made itself known to their eyes and nose, the work began in something approaching silence.

I lay, experiencing a feeling of complete rubbishness, as the silent minister went about his*** work. I dozed, once more awoke in a kind of stupor, and discerned the scream opf a vacuum cleaner at work. More dozing. A female voice. Bathroom fan...light....dark, Fan off. Silence.

More silence.

The flat felt empty.

I risked a chink of door open. No-one around. I risked everything**** and strode out into the hallway. Clean. Handles, clean. Stain on wall, clean. Switches, clean. Kitchen floor CLEAN! Washing up - DONE!!! Kitchen tidied, but not too much. Here was someone who knew how to respect an important mess pile. Lounge, vacuumed, dusted - CLEAN! Important man-piles respected. 

In short, the stuff that needed cleaning and tidying was done, but the important technical stuff had been left alone. I have never seen cleaning done so sensitively to the needs of a man such as me. The place is now a delight to be in, and my heart is full of gratitude. Really full.

I am hopeful that maybe, just maybe, I can tempt this same outfit back to repeat their work before it gets to be so bad again, thus enabling the work to be much more less un-easy.

Now I can look forward to welcoming people to the house group at my flat tonight. Now there's an event I love. :-)

Big thank to person.*****

_{*As far as I can work out, I didn't actually see anyone.}

_{** This, subject to a definition of "untidiness" which includes large piles of assorted stuff strewn pretty much everywhere, filthy carpets, a hay-strewn guinea-pig and a kitchen which would have caused the entire locality to be cleared by the military had they been aware of the molecular and radiation risk involved.}

_{*** Again, as far as I can ascertain. Infact, I will always call them "he", even though I cannot be absolutely sure. Essentially, it's easier this way and if it wasn't a he then my title becomes completely redundant. Wrong, even.}

_{**** Yes, I mean EVERYTHING. :-)}

_{***** You know who you are. (both?)}

18 Jul 2012

It's my birthday! ( and I will cry if I want to )

Here am I at Jason's house enjoying the company of several people, most of whom seem perfectly lovely.

I haven't yet worked out how old I am, but I figure I have a whole year for that sort of thing.

Thanks again to everyone who has wished a happy birthday to me, I really appreciate it.

15 Jul 2012

Andy: 13

Flies: 0

13 Jul 2012

Then, just as all hope had been lost, outside and beyond the woodpile, something stirred.

Christmas Greetings, and stuff...

I awoke today to the smell of autumn, but with the unmistakeable chill of Winter in the air. This evening, it could easily have been bonfire night, but for the crispness. The air was full of moisture and it was almost magical the way the lights in the street were etched out, each with their own misty glow. I started to think about what to give people this year or Christmas. This lead me along the path of thinking about people.

Thinking about it - I do know some great people. I will not be making much of a show of Christmas this year, but I do, nonetheless, wish everyone a great holiday time - and I look forward heartily to the celebrations I shall be enjoying. Seeing as this is my first Christmas away from Liz - it will be a little muted, but that is only right and fitting.

The only thought I would proffer - in terms of advice this Christmas - is “Try to remember that Christmas is far more about people than it is about things.”

You can have what you think of as your best ever Christmas with a can of beans and four slices of bread. Heck, that kind of paucity makes a time like Christmas unbelievably good. How many times have you had such wonderful presents for people that you were convinced they would bring happiness - only to be surprised and somewhat crestfallen when the gifts were received with only moderate approval? Have you ever laid on a tremendous banquet for your visitors - only to be let down that the night was not a success? I have. I often try too hard at entertaining - over-provide food, embarrass people with too much “stuff” of all kinds.

When things truly succeed is when my heart is in the right place - when I am not in a state - when I can welcome people with a real genuine smile.

So - what's your best piece of Christmas advice for us all to relish?

Into every rain, a little life must fall

Probably the easiest way to return to blogging after a long'ish gap is just to dive right in with little apology. That said, I do need to utter a word of thanks to you. Yes, you. You know who you are. You have checked this blog every day for months now. You're sick of those silly chinese letters - sick of wondering what they mean, and if they carry some secret message which may, in some way, explain the lack of blog entries here for the last few months.

The simple answer is that I don't remember what they mean either. I did know at one time, but I have forgotten. I'm pretty sure it was a cynical thing - and that they may stand for happiness or some such. The truth is that I have been more depressed in recent months than ever before.

No doubt you have noticed- those of you that know me - that it has been hard to get through to me on the phone, or to get through to me using any method. Even talking directly to my face wasn't always a guarantee of success.

I am happy to report that certainly the worst of it is now over. I feel the life returning into my brain, the heavy cloud lifting a little. I see little chinks of light here and there. It's quite a relief to see that the world is not as my brain was telling me. I bet many of you have dealt with depression in some form or other, so you'll know what I mean. I have to say that it shocked me. I am so used to being able to raise myself and put on a decent front in public. It took this bout of depression to demonstrate to me that sometimes it is impossible to show a cheerful face to the world. Sometimes one is so crushed by a feeling that nothing is possible. Nothing at all. It's been a salutory lesson for me - and one that enables me to understand depression a great deal better, and those of us who suffer it - for I must now count myself amongst that number.

In other news...

I had a birthday. I'm not entirely sure how old I am now, but Liz sometimes reminds me - more out of fun than anything else because I think she knows I will forget almost immediately.

Jason brought me this delightful cake, which I ate almost immediately - chocolates first, of course.

I also received a most amazing present from jason - my very own Ukulele. I am amazed and delighted by this wonderful present. It is, without doubt, the most delightful and sonorous Uke I have ever had the pleasure of owning.

It's a real joy to play and the sound is crisp, offering lots of rich sustain to every note - quite rare in all but the most expensive Ukes. In short, I am bowled over by this expansive gift, and I promise to practice the Uke fairly hard for quite a while as my way of showing how grateful I am. Thank you Jason.

In other gratitude...

My wonderful friends who have graciously given me the space I needed to get through this - yet made it abundantly clear they were there for me at any time. I love you people so much, and I count myself very fortunate to have such sensitive and caring friends.

Massive gratitude to my band “Soul Doubt”. There have been two or three gigs over this period and my leg pain situation has been more pronounced of late, making carrying gear all but impossible - especially whilst walking with a stick most times now. Those guys have helped me so well - they made it possible for me to play gigs that otherwise would have been completely beyond me. Words cannot express my gratitude.

I think I'll leave it there. I'll write some more soon.

Tricky Posting

I've always had a side of me that needs to be public. Right now, that side has deserted me, so I am forcing myself to do this. Big stuff is happening in my life - challenging stuff, on all fronts. Here's what those things are:

1) Health - I'm quite worried. I'm experiencing significant difficulties right now with my leg condition. Probably worse than I have led you to believe. I don't really want to say more than that - except, perhaps, that it has become a big challenge right now.

2) Mental State - I'm more concerned than I have ever been about this. I apologise publicly to all who feel I am shunning them and locking myself away. No, you're not imagining it - I really am doing this. It's not to do with me not liking you any more. It's to do with me being really depressed and going inside myself. At present, the thought of meeting up with anyone, or even going out is a matter of considerable stress. This has big implications, and I need to find a way round it. Regrettably, there are only a very few people I can spend time with right now. Please don't take it personally, I beg you. I will come through this in a little while, I know I will.

3) Divorce - Divorce is never a small issue, and I have had a double dose of it in short order. Arguably, I never properly got over my first divorce before marrying and subsequently being divorced from Liz. I have two pieces of paper that say I am divorced from these people, yet I still care for both, even though I am not in touch with Fiona at all now. Make not mistake - divorce messes with ones head, it is not good. It affects one comprehensively, and rocks everything.

4) Living Alone - I have to figure out how to do this. I have been fortunate in having wives who handled the stuff I struggle with. Being number-phobic is not as funny as some think. Sure, it is funny to laugh at me weeping because I can't handle thinking too much about numbers, but there is a serious side as well. This is just one of the challenges that living alone throws up. The other is managing to have enough money to do it. Another might be physically managing to do all the jobs required. The list gets quite long.

5) There is no five - because I do worry about being lonely. I discover I am just fine on my own and I am not craving companionship. Maybe that will come in time. I'll let you know.

So there it is. A decidedly downbeat posting - but I really did want to mark rock bottom in some way. I value this experience highly, as it gives me a real insight into the feelings surrounding depression. I believe this will aid me very much in getting alongside other people going through similar in the future. For this, I am grateful. For now, I am holding tight.

Things always get better, right?

PON News

Rebecca does her best, despite a huge crowd of ugly children demanding entry

It's every retailer's worst nightmare - a totally full-on assault on the "three children or less" rule. I watched for all of 15 minutes as Rebecca skillfully negotiated with them - finally getting them to leave without calling the police. I observed her, some moments later, looking frail, exhausted and in general need of some wealthier clients.

She is expected to make a full recovery.

Grocery Shopping #1

Does anyone know if Russel Brand visited the USA shortly before starting to write his 'Booky Wook" ?

So, after almost solid sleep for a few days, I finally went grocery shopping. I'll tell you all about it later, as Bonnie, my glamorous hostess/guide/mentor/fontfallknowledgeabouttheUSA, is about to take me out to see some stuff.

I like stuff, don't you?

Laters. (as I am increasingly struggling to remember to say)