Into every rain, a little life must fall

Probably the easiest way to return to blogging after a long'ish gap is just to dive right in with little apology. That said, I do need to utter a word of thanks to you. Yes, you. You know who you are. You have checked this blog every day for months now. You're sick of those silly chinese letters - sick of wondering what they mean, and if they carry some secret message which may, in some way, explain the lack of blog entries here for the last few months.

The simple answer is that I don't remember what they mean either. I did know at one time, but I have forgotten. I'm pretty sure it was a cynical thing - and that they may stand for happiness or some such. The truth is that I have been more depressed in recent months than ever before.

No doubt you have noticed- those of you that know me - that it has been hard to get through to me on the phone, or to get through to me using any method. Even talking directly to my face wasn't always a guarantee of success.

I am happy to report that certainly the worst of it is now over. I feel the life returning into my brain, the heavy cloud lifting a little. I see little chinks of light here and there. It's quite a relief to see that the world is not as my brain was telling me. I bet many of you have dealt with depression in some form or other, so you'll know what I mean. I have to say that it shocked me. I am so used to being able to raise myself and put on a decent front in public. It took this bout of depression to demonstrate to me that sometimes it is impossible to show a cheerful face to the world. Sometimes one is so crushed by a feeling that nothing is possible. Nothing at all. It's been a salutory lesson for me - and one that enables me to understand depression a great deal better, and those of us who suffer it - for I must now count myself amongst that number.

In other news...

I had a birthday. I'm not entirely sure how old I am now, but Liz sometimes reminds me - more out of fun than anything else because I think she knows I will forget almost immediately.

Jason brought me this delightful cake, which I ate almost immediately - chocolates first, of course.

I also received a most amazing present from jason - my very own Ukulele. I am amazed and delighted by this wonderful present. It is, without doubt, the most delightful and sonorous Uke I have ever had the pleasure of owning.

It's a real joy to play and the sound is crisp, offering lots of rich sustain to every note - quite rare in all but the most expensive Ukes. In short, I am bowled over by this expansive gift, and I promise to practice the Uke fairly hard for quite a while as my way of showing how grateful I am. Thank you Jason.

In other gratitude...

My wonderful friends who have graciously given me the space I needed to get through this - yet made it abundantly clear they were there for me at any time. I love you people so much, and I count myself very fortunate to have such sensitive and caring friends.

Massive gratitude to my band “Soul Doubt”. There have been two or three gigs over this period and my leg pain situation has been more pronounced of late, making carrying gear all but impossible - especially whilst walking with a stick most times now. Those guys have helped me so well - they made it possible for me to play gigs that otherwise would have been completely beyond me. Words cannot express my gratitude.

I think I'll leave it there. I'll write some more soon.

Comments

[Liz Curtis]

I'm glad a corner has been turned, the sap is rising and moss is being shed.

[martin]

Welcome back Andy. It gets better from now on in.

[Rebecca]

Hi :)

[Jason]

Andy I am overjoyed that this corner has been turned, and we both knew it would come. Damn you though, because what I wanted to write was really really unkind and harsh, and although you'd have found it very funny, I'm not sure the public would be entirely ready for some of it's content. However, please just imagine the response to this that I would give in person if we knew no-one else was listening, and you'll have captured roughly 10% of it's horror and humour. Clearly, better times are yet to come I hope. For me.

[Tim the Enchanter]

Relief, gratitude... and lots of happy.

[Jac]

Hello you
x

[Jac]

PS - Do I know you?

[markbear]

Great to read another blog from you. It has been difficult to stop myself getting intouch, or trying to... I'm so glad you're emerging again - i was really worried!

[paul]

Hi Andy,
It's been a long time since any contact. I have been hearing about your difficult times over the past few months from Jason, not in a gossipy way you understand, but from genuine concern. I wanted to compare notes with you over Maryland as that's also where Barbara and I spent our hols. However I thought it best to keep my distance and give you the space and time you obviously needed.I did try ringing on a couple of occasions but understand your need to remain within yourself. Very glad you are on the mend. Hope your leg problem gets sorted and we can have contact soon.

Paul.

[christine]

Wow what a surprise!! I tuned in expecting those blasted symbols to stare back at me YET AGAIN. But whoa - I'm both surprised and happy at the same time. Happy Birthday my dear lad and remember its still the same - anything I can do to help - let me know.

[AndyC]

Thanks to all for responding. I'm not completely out of the woods yet, but getting there.

[Suzy]

Lovely to hear from you, glad some of the fog has lifted. See you soon I hope
x

[Sandy]

Just wanted to say hi from over here in California! I'm still checking in on occasion too, though I haven't been writing in my blog myself.

[fave sis michelle]

hey Andy nice to see your back x

[Ange]

Think the front would be a nicer view! :-)