AndyBlog

Goin' home...

Just as the journey out is a big part of the holiday - arguably returning homing is a far bigger one. Back we go to the mundane existences we each enjoy. The specialness of being on holiday is over, and the only reason for us to write blog entries is that we have done or thought of something interesting.

Expect a lengthy pause.

It's been lovely to re-visit Tiree, and my friends Colin and Susan Woodcock. I've witnessed my first Raku firing, seen some top notch sunrises, eaten some lovely meals and been eaten to death by the midges that Tiree does not officially have. I've also seen over a dozen of Tiree's six trees, which was nice.

Now my thoughts return, with a sigh, to home. That said, the cloud didn't really leave me whilst away. I wish it had, but I was unable to completely elude it. I know this is a process I have to go with, but it is hard to shake the feeling that I will feel this bad forever.

The little memory detailed pictorially below is one that pleased me. Jac and myself were served matching puddings during a light lunch at the Scarinish Hotel. I can't ever remember being served a pudding that so completely matched my t-shirt, and to see Jac with one that totally matched her as well is almost beyond belief. Truly a treasured memory.

That said, in the short term, we need to concentrate our minds on the business of travelling home. The concerns revolve around waking up in time, vacating the house, remembering everything, not leaving the place a tip, not leaving a tip for the place, reading the electricity meters, catching the ferry and then driving home whilst tired and seasick.

If all goes well, we arrive home in the wee small hours of Sunday morning - excited, fresh and so very alive.

Smashing Sunrise

Those of you who know me well will know how many sunrises I see, and why I see then, when I do. This one was particularly smashing, and it heralded in what has proved to be the nicest weather of the holiday so far. Blue skies, gentle (mmm...maybe not /too/ gentle) breezes and warm sun.

Tiree, when the sun shines bright, is for me the most idyllic place I have ever witnessed. Maybe this is because the sun never seems to get too hot, and one can always enjoy a walk or to sit out and enjoy the countryside around.

It's OK, Jason, I'm going to stop there before I launch into the slightly depressive bout of soul searching you have come to expect. Yes, let's just leave it at that.

Although, at times like this...

Tiree Holiday Posting

Amazing Steak at Elephant's End Restaurant

Amazing Cattle Running Towards Me

Amazing installation at Gott Bay Pier

Jac on her never ending quest to photograph smashing things

Cultivated flowers, wild grass, rocks...ocean

Mannal Houses near our holiday cottage

Myrtle Bank Cottage, wherin we are living right now.

The waves of sea in a bay at here.

There you are. Holiday pictures to show nice things that I have seen and been to. Sadly, there is not a great deal of real pleasure right now. Just emptiness and a profound sense of loneliness. I am told this will change, so that's good.

Divorce

A very simple piece of news I received today is that my divorce has now fully completed, and we are now both single people again. As far as the law is concerned, we were never married. It's all over - and it never happened.

Of course, it did happen. Very much so. More than that, in many ways I still feel married. I suspect the cold realisation that I am now sailing my ship alone will come as a series of short sharp shocks more to do with bills and finances than to do with a lack of emotional support or, perhaps, an empty flat.

All I would say to anyone contemplating divorce right now is that it is in no way an easy solution. It is not a simple way out, and even the nicest most amicable divorce hurts so very badly. The faults I have that made this marriage impossible, I still have, and will carry forward into any possible further relationship. If it had just been about me, then it would have been worth working hard at making changes. Sadly, as a couple, Liz and I were not good for each other, no matter how much we each developed as people. This, and only this made the divorce necessary.

I would caution anyone contemplating divorce to check first if their basic compatibility with their partner is there. If it is - then hang on in there. Fix it. Get some counselling - grow as a person. Make it work again, because that potential is there. Divorce will not help you one bit.

I bitterly regret that this is not the case for me at this time, because I feel that Liz is the kind of person I really could have worked things through with.

So, with those salutary words notwithstanding, it is now over. Within a few short weeks Liz will leave our flat and begin to live on her own again. I will stay at the flat and do the same.

I wish I could shake off the awful feeling that I died a bit today.

Back in God's country...

So here we are, suddenly thrust back onto the Isle of Tiree.

It was raining when we got here, indeed, the rain and general inclemency affected the sea portion of the journey profoundly. As soon as a ferry hits a swell, two things happen almost immediately:

1: A group of excited children, teenagers and excitable parents gather at the front of the observation lounge and shout “Wahaaaaaaayyyyy!!!!” each time we hit a big wave. The rules for the sound emitted are not strict, with sound people merely screaming, and others politely applauding.

I did nothing. I didn't even look. I placed my faith in the anti-seasickness pills I had taken - and the soporific effects they engendered. To look at the waves, or indeed to move in any way would have been to invite greater waves of nausea - which brings me to point two:

2: A slight smell of vomit lingers in the air.

Nevertheless, arrive we did, and the unpacking was done with good grace, although not much enthusiasm. We were all wrecked on so many levels. Time to sleep. We hurriedly unpacked our bedding, made our beds, and then lay on them.

I should point out that I am on holiday with Jac - a good friend from way back, and her son Tris. Tris nobly stood in for TL, whose fresh status as an ex-wife of mine somewhat precluded her from accompanying us on this occasion. Not the easiest situation to deal with, but it seemed such a shame to waste a perfectly booked holiday on Tiree - particularly as booking a cottage here is so much in demand. I won't pretend that some sort of black market deal did not occur to me.

Upon waking after the bliss of 4 hours sleep, I noticed the weather had brightened considerably. The sun showed its face and the afternoon soon lit up in a more traditional and usual idyllic way of Tiree. That said, even in the rain, the island retains a little of its magic.

My, how good it is to be here. Surely, of all the places on God's good earth, Tiree is the one which has the capacity to raise my spirits?

The pictures are of our first meal together, beautifully cooked by Jac. Most welcome. Thank you Jac. I did take pictures of the rain and the shine, but a caera card error snatched them away again. Ah, well.

More reports soon, assuming I manage to sniff out some internet...

Tiree Holiday 2008

Night drive from NBTS to Oban in 5 hours. Very tired. Very very tired. Oh my am I tired. Made the ferry on time. Tired though. Very tired. Now to board...thoughts of bacon abound. Yes, hungry - but still tired.

Eat.

Then sleep...