Divorce

A very simple piece of news I received today is that my divorce has now fully completed, and we are now both single people again. As far as the law is concerned, we were never married. It's all over - and it never happened.

Of course, it did happen. Very much so. More than that, in many ways I still feel married. I suspect the cold realisation that I am now sailing my ship alone will come as a series of short sharp shocks more to do with bills and finances than to do with a lack of emotional support or, perhaps, an empty flat.

All I would say to anyone contemplating divorce right now is that it is in no way an easy solution. It is not a simple way out, and even the nicest most amicable divorce hurts so very badly. The faults I have that made this marriage impossible, I still have, and will carry forward into any possible further relationship. If it had just been about me, then it would have been worth working hard at making changes. Sadly, as a couple, Liz and I were not good for each other, no matter how much we each developed as people. This, and only this made the divorce necessary.

I would caution anyone contemplating divorce to check first if their basic compatibility with their partner is there. If it is - then hang on in there. Fix it. Get some counselling - grow as a person. Make it work again, because that potential is there. Divorce will not help you one bit.

I bitterly regret that this is not the case for me at this time, because I feel that Liz is the kind of person I really could have worked things through with.

So, with those salutary words notwithstanding, it is now over. Within a few short weeks Liz will leave our flat and begin to live on her own again. I will stay at the flat and do the same.

I wish I could shake off the awful feeling that I died a bit today.

Comments

[ange]

I feel sad for you both, for all I only 'know' you via your blogs. Best wishes for your future xxx

[Rebecca]

I think you will see things differently later, in fact, I know you will. Hang on in there, this is the worst bit.

[christine]

nothing to say - just sending you some hugs. Consider yourself hugged.