Home again, unnaturally.

An important part of any holiday is the homecoming. Sadly, in my case, I ran out of my normal medication just as I returned to the UK. This has meant taking "alternative" medication left over from various trials with different drugs. I have to admit that this, in addition to really dreadful jet-lag has left me feeling awful.

The flights themselves were an absolute dream - thanks to all of you. I can't thank my back room team of pray'ers and positive thinkers. You people are amazing, and you really came through for me again. I was told there were no free seats on the plane due to overbooking, so I was pretty sad. I even bought an up-rated seat to make life easier ($250!). Then, when I made it to the gate, the nice lady told me that they had magically found not two but THREE spare seats together and I could have them all to aid my comfort.

I was in tears of gratitude almost, because it also meant my expensive seat was refunded. The flights went well - and then those wonderful people at Heathrow wheeled me through all the complex security checks - it was a delight and a joy to be so well supported. Again, on the little flight up to Newcastle, I had a spare seat next to me - so it was comfort all the way. Just the jet-lag to worry about...

I'm pretty sure I'm over the jet-lag now, but I continue to remain in bad fettle, and I am hoping hoping hoping that the arrival today of my usual drugs will be sufficient to set me back on the right road.

In reality, I have been going "cold turkey" from my usual drugs - which should, in am told, be phased out and not just suddenly stopped. Unfortunately the doctor got the numbers wrong and whilst she got me to the end of my stay, she did not take into account when I arrived back and how long it would take to organise new medication. I bitterly regret this and look forward to feeling much more like the real me in the next 48 hours or so.

Just in case you haven't gone cold turkey from a strong analgesic drug, here's what you get:

Hot and cold flushes - Teeth chattering cold and then burning sweaty pain to follow. Then repeat.

Stomach Cramps - Constant clawing stomach pain making eating all but impossible.

Nausea - A quick way of dispatching anything one might be unwise enough to eat, but a horrible dizzying feeling which persists and influences all the other unpleasant sensations.

Bone Ache - I feel like every bone, every joint aches. Whatever I try to do hurts - and just doing nothing hurts as well, but marginally less.

Depression and Paranoia - I've had this big style. On my return I was not too bad but I have gradually sunk into quite a depressed state in which I have very little cheeriness at all. I don't believe people like me, and I don't want to be around anyone. It will be interesting to see how this changes as I get my usual medication.

It all adds up to feeling really really bad. So, if you were expecting to see me at church on Sunday, I am sorry. I don't think I could have driven anyway. To all the other people who had expected cheery homecoming visits, I am sorry to you as well. Also to all those who have been hearing overly downbeat impressions of my trip to the USA, please take it with a small pinch of salt. I know I am not in a good place right now, and I will feel better soon. Similarly, I know who my friends are, and I will let my brain and logic dictate to me that you all really do still like me. Well, a little. :)

It has been an interesting struggle, and one which I am keen not to repeat. I am looking forward to doing my radio show once more from the UK. Yes, for those of you who had forgotten, yes I still do the show and I love doing it very much. If you have never listened try it out at 10pm tonight - and don't forget my good friend, bassist and DJ Tony Brown who handles the Thursday night slot - also from 10-11pm. To tune in, go to http://www.adlib.co.uk Maybe I can look forward to some new listeners tonight. That would be nice. There's a ple asing little chat room as well if you fancy chatting with other listeners of the show as it plays.

Comments

[Joss]

Welcome back!

See you soon hopefully!

[Jac]

We still love you - even when you're grumpy :-)

[Ian]

I like you, I really do.
I'm just not good at showing it
:-)

[christine]

I think you'll find the 'cold turkey' description pretty well sums up MENOPAUSE - you also forgot to mention going into certain rooms and not knowing why you are there or how to get back to where you were, and saying certain drwos teh wonrg yaw undro.

[Gordon]

Andy I really like your blog. It's so honest. I really do hope things pick up for you soon. Gordon (Tiree)