Great Chicken!

No, not a chicken - an enormous Apple Fritter!

...and for fritter, read doughnut. Yet another word I have encountered which means something similar, but not the same. I am losing track of all the words which are there as a trap for the English tourist from the UK. Here's a few:

1. Fritter - A kind of ploppy doughnut
2. Jumper - A small dress for schoolgirls
3. Potato Chips - Crisps.
4. Nice - An almost negative compliment, nice is much more cheesy in the USA.
5. Shrimp - Prawn
6. Jelly - Jell-o
7. Preserves - Jam
8. The list goes on and on, I have just lost track....

What is worse are the phrases I use which are close to insulting here, and just silly humour in the UK. Maybe this is linked to my off-beat "humour" not working well in the USA at all. I mean, people tell me in the UK that they often don't know how to take me. Imagine my same dead-pan diametric statements in the USA. It's almost impossible to convince someone afterwards that I was really joking. Often the damage is done.

I now live in fear of coming out with the wrong thing, and have found myself very much looking forward to seeing my good friend Jason for a video chat. I can say all those things I am now paranoid about and not worry too much. (Well, not until the sniper kills me stone dead at Newcastle airport on the 11th July, that is.)

There are other observations I have made about USA society, which I will share with you in a future post.

I should say that i am enjoying life here - particularly the food. I have been in significant distress with my legs at various times, and also had a throat infection, but by enlarge I am feeling OK now. Maybe I am starting to adjust to life in AC coolness? I hope so.

I miss you all, and I look forward to seeing you all again for a nice get together.

Be well.

Comments

[Jason]

Yes it does look like a chicken doesn't it? What I would say about your humour, Andy, is that it's not so much the USA / UK divide that's the problem, it's the fact that in the UK we're much pore polite about your utter rudeness, and don't want to upset you so we laugh in the right place. Actually, both sides of the Atlantic we're pretty devastated, and usually need counseling after even the briefest encounter with you. I've very much enjyed the video chats - it's very much like being in the future talking to someone by video messaging and it'Skype with video, Apple laptop to Apple laptop is such good quality even at these distances, that it's very like you're trapped in my laptop. Fullscreen your face is near lifesize. Lovely - or as you'd say over there NICE. The phrase you need to learn Andy, when you want to say something in agreement with something touching or perhaps movng that you've just heard, is I believe "SCREW YOU BUDDY - AND YO MAMMA TOO!!!!" This is a universal term of affection and endearment right across America and can be used safely in any context, as long as it is shouted at very close quarters - and particularl if used in conjunction with the American wave (raised middle finger - don't worry it's not the same as over here). Glad that you're starting to feel a bit better. Please go and do a blog about Corn Dogs and Grits now.

[AndyC]

Thanks for the thoughtful feedback about my humour, Jason, I shall bear it in mind, as soon as I get back to my usual therapist.

Yes, the video chats are good, and yes, I AM trapped inside your laptop.

I have been using your universal term of affection to good effect throughout my stay already. I think they're amazed that an Englishman like me knows it. At any rate they definitely seem impressed, or something. I haven't tried the wave yet, but will give it a go with Bonnie as she brings me some tea next time.

As for blogging about Corn Dogs and grits - FORGET IT! I don't live my life only to be controlled by you. I have MY OWN IDENTITY. There may have been a time when I used to look to you for guidance as to how to live my life, but not now. I plough my OWN furrow and I do things MY way. Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention - but more, much more than this I will write the blogs I want to write and when I want to write them. I have seen your attempts to get both me and others to write themed blogs in the past, just to please you and to perhaps show that we are predictable in some way, and that you have worked out how the theme is going. I have to tell you that you are not as clever as you think and that I actually have my own original ideas and - THANK YOU VERY MUCH - I will write my blog in the fashion I wish to, without reference to you in any way shape or form.

Now, I hope i've made myself clear and will not have to say this again, as we have previously covered this ground, as I recall. I'm not angry really, just a little hurt - I'm sorry for you, really. You don't have to do this Jason. All of us, me in particular, can pick our own blog titles and themes without you constantly suggesting them. I will confess that it's an area in which I truly believe you should seek professional help. You need to get yourself well.

Then go and write a blog about "How friends take humour too far" or something.

[Liz Curtis]

Well, Jason and Andy, I think you have each contributed sufficient to make it totally unnecessary for any further comment. Andy, no-one is suggesting that you don't have your own identity, even though it is trapped inside Jason's laptop. Jason, that is why Andy kept your laptop for nigh on a week when he was just putting a few paltry programs on it. It s quite an undertaking to fit an identity as large as Andy's into so small a space, even though I do acknowledge that your laptop is very superior. Also I am slightly worried by your finding Andy's face quite so lovely when viewed close up in your laptop. That, coupled with dancing around in MY underwear (I've not been able to wear either of those pairs of pants since), do lead me to advise you to seek out a counsellor as soon as possible.

[AndyC]

I have to say I am rather disappointed in you, Liz.

Some things were meant always to stay secret, and now the whole world knows that Jason and myself romped around the flat wearing two pairs of your sexy Sloggi knickers whilst.... well, better not to go into it all again.

I am so sorry you found it necessary. Please don't make me tell them about that thing you did with Jason's.... well, better not to spoil it by offering a taster.

[Liz Curtis]

I wasn't talking about THAT incident, gosh that WAS a secret. What I do with Jason's ... erm ... is no-one's business but MINE!
My comment was about a totally different time when Jason broke into our house, stole some crisps and ruined two perfectly good pairs of knickers. Then to compound the felony he bragged about it. Openly bragged. Pah!

[Jason]

And a pair of tights.

[Sandy]

I totally relate to what you're going through Andy (that is, what you wrote about in your post, not what has been revealed about you and Jason and stolen knickers). Almost every word I spoke while I was it he U.K. was the wrong one. Even something as simple as candy cannot be relied upon to be called the same thing, as I learned from Kieran, who informed me one afternoon that I was in fact eating sweets, not candy.