AndyBlog

So, later that Christmas...

To pick up where I left off, eventually the gush of presents ebbed to a gentle flow and finally dried up entirely. TL was the last to unwrap a present, as she received so many from her pupils.

I found it a source of intense pride that they loved her so much that they wanted to give her gifts. It was then explained to me that all teachers receive gifts from their pupils, but I hardly think a hated teacher would receive many presents - no matter what the tradition. So, having defended my stance, I went back to my feelings of pride. TL is not just a good teacher, she is a LOVED teacher. Money can't buy that.

We then moved on to the food side of celebrating - and very excellent it was too. TL produced the bulk of it, although a special mention is due to the turkey, who gave his life in a good cause.

So, great chunks of turkey, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, carrots, peas, sprouts (of course!), cabbage, pigs in blankets (little sausages wrapped in bacon and then roast), home made bread sauce, cranberry sauce, stuffing and the most excellent home made gravy.

The only other addition was the mushroom and sweet pepper bake I made for Ruth, to satisfy her craving for non-meaten things. I chose to top it with wholemeal breacrumbs mixed with cheese - and we all agreed it was pretty good. Especially with turkey.

We then launched into a frenzy of relaxing in front of the TV. It was sublime. "Transformers - The Movie" certainly hit the spot. This intricate romantic comedy featured sophisticated character development and several unexpected plot twists. It was everything I hoped it would be.

More seriously, the soundtrack was utterly awesome, and I very much enjoyed listening to our newly resuscitated surround sound system. It was utterly relentless, and probably too loud, but what the heck. This is Christmas.

We rounded off the day with a dose of Hot Fuzz, the Simon Pegg classic, which has set the standard for comedy cop movies without really trying. The guy is frighteningly talented.

And so to bed.

...and then to waken.

Boxing Day!

Almost before the day began it was 11.30am - and time for the Boxing Day dip, where staunch, stupid and sturdy village residents (and Ed!) throw themselves into the freezing sea for no readily apparent reason.

Almost catching us unawares, they sounded the horn at 11.26am and into the icy briny thy did lunge. They had no fear, they were brave, they were untroubled by the cold seawater - they were invincible!

They returned to shore immediately.

Ed professed it not to have been the coldest water he'd been in, and yet I noticed he didn't linger to play with his frisbee, camera or maybe lilo.

Even the coffees have taken on a festive flavour, thanks to Louise's kind gift of a snowflake stencil. I doubt you'll be interested to know this, but the snowflake pattern remained until my last sip. Somehow, I drank the coffee out from under it without even realising it.

I have received so many wonderful coffee-based presents this year - Gaggia jug, Gaggia thermometer, coffee stomper, coffee mugs... Fantastic. Just fantastic.

I chose to indule in a Boxing Day breakfast this morning - giving me a chance to cook my best ever hash-browns. Tasty potato and onion, pressed and par-fried - then cooled, before being coated in whisked egg and breadcrumbs and fried until golden.

They were a little bit special, even though I am quite clearly just saying it myself. I somehow doubt they were exceptional enough for anyone else to comment on in their blogs - although I am convinced Jason would have, had he been one of the lucky select few to be in receipt of one of these tiny greasy marvels.

Nevertheless, it was a lovely breakfast, albeit at around midday. I'm not quite sure how the rest of the afternoon and, indeed, evening passed by. The time has sort of slithered through our fingers until it is time for me to prepare for my radio show.

Whilst I am looking forward to a pleasant and relaxed Boxing Day radio show... With a house full of visitors, there is a certain logistical problem to do with their not being another place for people to be, other than this lounge/shack. I guess the weakness of this setup is beginning to show its face.

Little seems to stop the good feelings of this holiday. I have had several - and thanks to all who engendered them. Now I need to make final preparations for the broadcast tonight. It's like work, but much more enjoyable.

Christmas Day 2007

Here we are at Christmas Day 2007.

So far it has been a wonderful experience - beginning with a gentle wake-up around 9.30am and a delicious sausage sandwich.

We then had our Tree Presents - then our stocking presents. Not stockings, as you may humorously assume, but presents in a stocking, just like Christmas used to be.

As I write this at 3.30pm, we still have not finished opening presents, it seems to be going on literally all day. Not like at the Thompson household, where i am led to believe all the presents had been opened by 5am. Well, good for them - I think I would always opt for my "sleep" activity at such a time.

It's great having a house ful of happy people, and we are really looking forward to our massive repast at around 5pm today. We have a truly epic organic turkey crisping up in the oven and the usual wide range of accompanying lovely things - with the traditional Yorkshire addition of Yorkshire Puddings.

Oh yes, those little puddings go brilliantly well with Turkey. Or anything else really. try them with lamb, beef, prawns, jam or pretty much whatever you like. They always taste good.

Asher and Storm, our other guests are also having a fine time. It's lovely to have dogs around the place - and Asher is a lovely dog. I am also making my first proper acquaintance with Storm.

All in all, the day is just brilliant. One of my best Christmasses ever - already. Darnit - it is my best Christmas ever. i gauge this by the pleasure of the company, and not by the gifts received - that said the gifts have been awesome.

I now have a brand new milk frother for my coffee making and a wonderful Gaggia frothing jug - just like my coffee hero, Rebecca's. All I need now is a more powerful coffee maker and I will be all set to deliver award winning coffees (assuming awards are offered).

The only thing that is stopping me writing this blog (on my ultra-cool new Apple keyboard) is that I need to get back to the fun and frolics.

A note to you, whoever you are:

Thanks for reading my Blog at Christmas, and may you be well and happy, not just today, but throughout the year stretching ahead.

Four Candles - The Two Ronnies

Classic humour now from the Two Ronnies - for my money, their best ever sketch. Reproduced here for your Christmas pleasure.

THE TWO RONNIES - "The Hardware Shop" aka "Four Candles'"


In a hardware shop. Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket. He has just finished serving a customer.

CORBETT (muttering): There you are. Mind how you go.(Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top and beanie)

BARKER: Four Candles!

CORBETT: Four Candles?

BARKER: Four Candles.(Ronnie Corbett makes for a box, and gets out four candles. He places them on the counter)

BARKER: No, four candles!

CORBETT (confused): Well there you are, four candles!

BARKER: No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks!(Ronnie Corbett puts the candles away, and goes to get a fork handle. He places it onto the counter)

CORBETT (muttering): Fork handles. Thought you said 'four candles!' (more clearly) Next?

BARKER: Got any plugs?

CORBETT: Plugs. What kind of plugs?

BARKER: A rubber one, bathroom.(Ronnie Corbett gets out a box of bath plugs, and places it on the counter)

CORBETT (pulling out two different sized plugs): What size?

BARKER: Thirteen amp!

CORBETT (muttering): It's electric bathroom plugs, we call them, in the trade. Electric bathroom plugs!(He puts the box away, gets out another box, and places on the counter an electric plug, then puts the box away)

BARKER: Saw tips!

CORBETT: Saw tips? (he doesn't know what he means) What d'you want? Ointment, or something like that?

BARKER: No, saw tips for covering saws.

CORBETT: Oh, haven't got any, haven't got any. (he mutters) Comin' in, but we haven' got any. Next?

BARKER: 'O's!

CORBETT: 'O's?

BARKER: 'O's.(He goes to get a hoe, and places it on the counter)

BARKER: No, 'O's!

CORBETT: 'O's! I thought you said 'O! (he takes the hose back, and gets a hose, whilst muttering) When you said 'O's, I thought you said 'O! 'O's!(He places the hose onto the counter)

BARKER: No, 'O's!

CORBETT (confused for a moment): O's? Oh, you mean panty 'o's, panty 'o's! (he picks up a pair of tights from beside him)

BARKER: No, no, 'O's! 'O's for the gate. Mon repose! 'O's! Letter O's!

CORBETT (finally realising): Letter O's! (muttering) You had me going there!(He climbs up a stepladder, gets a box down, puts the ladder away, and takes the box to the counter, and searches through it for letter O's)

CORBETT: How many d'you want?

BARKER: Two.(Ronnie Corbett leaves two letter O's on the counter, then takes the box back, gets the ladder out again, puts the box away, climbs down the ladder, and puts the ladder away, then returns to the counter)

CORBETT: Yes, next?

BARKER: Got any P's?

CORBETT (fed up): For Gawd' sake, why didn' you bleedin' tell me that while I was up there then? I'm up and down the shop already, it's up and down the bleedin' shop all the time. (He gets the ladder out, climbs up and gets the box of letters down, then puts the ladder away) Honestly, I've got all this shop, I ain't got any help, it's worth it we plan things. (He puts the box on the counter, and gets out some letter P's) How many d'you want?

BARKER: No! Tins of peas. Three tins of peas!

CORBETT: You're 'avin' me on, ain't ya, yer 'avin' me on?

BARKER: I'm not!(Ronnie Corbett dumps the box under the counter, and gets three tins of peas)

CORBETT (placing the tins on the counter): Next?

BARKER: Got any pumps?

CORBETT (getting really fed up): 'And pumps, foot pumps? Come on!

\BARKER (surprised he has to ask): Foot pumps!

CORBETT (muttering, as he goes down the shop): Foot pumps. See a foot pump? (He sees one, and picks it up) Tidy up in 'ere.(He puts the pump down on the counter)BARKER: No, pumps fer ya feet! Brown pump, size nine!

CORBETT (almost at breaking point): You are 'avin' me on, you are definitely 'avin' me on!

BARKER (not taking much notice of Corbett's mood): I'm not!

CORBETT: You are 'avin' me on! (He takes back the pump, and gets a pair of brown foot pumps out of a drawer, and places them on the counter) Next?

BARKER: Washers!

CORBETT (really close to breaking point): What, dishwashers, floor washers, car washers, windscreen washers, back scrubbers, lavatory cleaners? Floor washers?

BARKER: 'Alf inch washers!

CORBETT: Oh, tap washers, tap washers? (He finally breaks, and makes to confiscate his list) Look, I've had just about enough of this, give us that list. (He mutters) I'll get it all myself! (Reading through the list) What's this? What's that? Oh that does it! That just about does it! I have just about had it! (calling through to the back) Mr. Jones! You come out and serve this customer please, I have just about had enough of 'im. (Mr. Jones comes out, and Ronnie Corbett shows him the list) Look what 'e's got on there! Look what 'e's got on there!

JONES (who goes to a drawer with a towel hanging out of it, and opens it): Right! How many would ya like? One or two?(He removes the towel to reveal the label on the drawer - 'Bill hooks'!)

CRITICISMS ABOUT THE SKETCH

When Ronnie Corbett goes to get the O's, he leaves the hose on the counter, but when he comes back with the O's, the hose has gone!

While going for the P's, Ronnie Corbett mutters about not having any help, yet at the end, he gets Mr. Jones in.No-one seems to bother about getting his tap washers.

"The Christmas that never was"

Who would have thought that after all these years my dream could have finally come true? I assumed it could never happen, for a whole variety of reasons - but it has!

Of course, it hasn't really and never will - or at least it is very unlikely to - but this is about as close as I am ever likely to get to it happening.

So, I am relaxing into the pleasant notion of Christmas with all the kids and a right old house full. This, of course, casts me in the role of "father". Not quite sure what that means... Something about pipe and slippers, pub at lunch time and...heck, I don't even know what the clichés are.

In the immortal words of Fagin in Oliver! the musical "I think I'd better think it out again".

ROOM at the inn...

This just in from the AFP news wire...

A hotel chain on Tuesday said it was offering couples called Joseph and Mary in Britain Ireland and Spain free accommodation this Christmas on proof of marriage and name. They said husbands and wives matching their criteria would get a night's stay on the house, but with more home comforts than the humble stable of the Christian Nativity story.
The offer, appropriately, runs between Christmas Eve to Twelfth Night (January 5, 2008). "The phrase 'no room at the inn' is something that resonates with us in the hotel business," said Travelodge operations director Jason Cotta. "Therefore this year we have decided to evoke the true spirit of Christmas and invite Mary and Joseph couples as our guests."
A Travelodge spokeswoman told us that couples will have to be married and provide proof of identity and register their names at a special e-mail address.

Games beat pain revelation

Pain sufferers find gaming better than drugs

" A researcher at Simon Fraser University in Canada has discovered evidence to show that playing video games is more effective at helping chronic pain sufferers than medication.

Professor Diane Gromala worked with doctors in an attempt to determine how gaming can relieve the pain of patients.

According to the published report, "controlled experiments consistently show subjects who are distracted in a fully-virtual reality world… report less pain than their counterparts using drug-based pain therapy”. "

[Taken from the Digital Spy Web Site today]

I find this enthralling. As a chronic pain sufferer for some years now, I have tried most things suggested.

Recently, I have been suffering from significant stress as well as pain. I have taken to playing an online role-playing game - not a nasty one - just a simple character-based game in which I move around a 3-d world meeting people, doing activities etc.

Some would, no doubt, call it boring. They may be right, but when I need to get some relief from what I am feeling, I find it is just the ticket. An hour clicking away and flying around to different places and I tend to forget the pain to a significant extent. I can settle my mind, and prepare for sleep. As a consequence, I sleep better and feel more refreshed.

I don't know if this is quite what those Canadian researchers are on about, but it would seem so. I have certainly seen the benefits - far beyond the time actually spent playing the game.

Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.

Mosquito Mark 2 - Teenage Pest Control

Introducing:

MOSQUITO MARK II

Smaller and Compact – Ideal for discreet deployment
Improved Design – Manufactured in Diecast zinc alloy and steel to prevent vandalism
More Features – Can be activated by Timer, PIR, Remote Control and CCTV
More practical – Has facility to automatically shut off after 20 minutes
Internal/External Use – Also suitable for Accommodation Blocks, etc

...or so says the advert.

But what actually is this - and how does it work?

It's a well-known fact that children hear better than adults. More specifically, the younger we are, the higher sound (or frequency) we can hear.
I noticed this very clearly the other week when Louise was here. I was charging my drill's battery and she ran in and asked me what the awful squealing noise was. I took the battery from its charger and she reported that the noise stopped.

I was unable to continue charging the battery as the noise caused Louise some considerable distress. I could just about detect that there was a slight noise, Liz could hear nothing.

So, it is this principle that the manufacturers or the Mosquito are seizing upon. Their exciting unit is mounted on the fronts of shops and by nervous residents in high-crime areas. When deployed, the unit emits a very high pitched noise which only the younger people can hear.

The result is that teenagers are "considerably distressed" by the awful squealing noise, cease their loitering (either with or without intent) and go and loiter elsewhere. In our wildest dreams, perhaps they feel challenged about their negative lifestyles and seek to lead a more education-conscious and generous life.

I'd buy one today if the effect could be narrowed down to teenagers intent on naughtiness. I know that is probably most of them, but I would feel sorry for the tiny minority who wish me only peace and joy. I would also spare a thought for younger children - or even babies who might be passing. Not much fun for them.

So, until they learn to totally fine-tune the action of the Mosquito MkII, and with some considerable regret - I'm afraid I'll have to give it a miss.
If, unlike me, you simply want to breathe as much destruction as you legally can on the younger members of our society, you may need to buy one quickly, as a governmental investigation is already underway. It is likely, one may reasonably assume, that this device will be outlawed in the near future.

Let me in!

For the first time in my life, I cannot go home. Not because I am unwelcome there, but because there is a massive lorry blocking the lane.

This is one of the few downsides to living in our new house. The ice sculptor next door and the frozen food man generate a degree of traffic that the tiny lane and yard quickly struggles to contain. I bear them no malice whatsoever because they are just doing their business.

So I sit here gazing in the gloaming, wondering when I might be able to gain entry to our house.

It's a strange feeling, and one that's hard to convey.

The 5-Minute Charge is here, almost.

Toshiba has spawned what it claims is the fastest-charging battery ever. Tosh reckons its Super Charge ion Batteries (SCiBs) can do a 90 per cent charge in just five minutes. And they’re still meant to last as long as your average rechargeable – ages.

On the down side, the first examples will be utilised in cars. That said, this technology will surely find its way onto the high street sometime soon.

Another point to note is that Toshiba have also come up with a 128GB solid state flash card for use in laptops. This kind of advance will surely find a place in solid state recorders for audio and video in the near future also. In the laptop end of the market, the massive power savings generated by the lack of need for a traditional spinning hard drive open the door to my dream of a laptop which can run for a whole day on one charge.

Rest assured, I will keep you updated on battery-based happenings. You don't need to trawl the net.

Reasons to hate the phone #5401

So I phoned a computer support desk. I pressed 1 - and then 2. Pretty much standard.

Then I hear those dreaded words: (10:48am)

"You are at queue position......51"

Mmm... time to get on with some work for a while.

**UPDATE** (11:07am) Queue Position 20