I have rarely been more desperate for the toilet than I was today.
Caught in a long traffic jam on the way to Maplin Electronics, the water began to make its presence felt at the end of its journey through me.
It was only as I got out of the car that I realised just how serious the situation had become.
I tip-toed round the store trying to choose cables and plugs, but my mind was elsewhere.
In the end, I realised that I was not going to be able to complete the transaction and I made a run for the door.
Next, where to go? No toilets in Maplin's - and none on this section of the Metro-Centre site...
So - a drive to McDonalds.
Quickly parked in the disabled bay outside McDonalds and dived into the foyer.
A sign: Toilets UPSTAIRS.
Oh dear. Still, I turned to go up the stairs.
Another sign: Upstairs seating area CLOSED.
Oh dear.
I decided to climb the stairs anyway. It was a slow and unwelcome journey. At the top, it became clear that an important meeting was taking place. Everyone was smartly dressed and there was much shuffling of papers.
I made my way through the document-covered tables, trying not to knock any off. My eyes were fixed on the sign that said "TOILETS".
Once in the toilets corridor I felt less under the disapproving glare of McDonalds managers. I headed for the gents.
I usually wear trousers that do not have a ZIP or buttons and so need to use a cubicle.
Yet another sign: This cubicle closed due to vandalism.
Suddenly, I was beyond caring. Anything was better than embarassing myself publically. I made the necessary radical clothing adjustments and made grateful use of the urinal.
Mercifully, no-one entered as I finished my duty. All was well once more.
A feeling of profound relief surrounded me, protecting me from the hostility of the meeting people.
I then drove the enforced one-way circle of about a mile in order to return to Maplin's and try again.
This I will do right now. Wish me luck.
(BTW John - I have no idea what you meant about the level of humour on this blog!)
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