AndyBlog

A slice of coffee life, with cosmetics. Or something. This title's rubbish.

I was out today in Bristol for a visit to the Lush shop. Lots of nice smelly things there, and (note this, fellas) helpful, happy staff ready to talk through the products and show you how to buy the right stuff. If you have no idea what I'm on about, please visit www.lush.co.uk.

But that's nothing to do with this posting.

So, after loading up with lovelies, time for a quick coffee, and here's the thing. There is a Starbucks right next to a Costas. I guess we should get used to this, because in my own apocalyptic vision, one day all city centre shops will be coffee shops. It has to happen.

The decision was an easy one, because the coffee tastes of more at Costas, in my opinion. Once in there though, it became clearer that the decision was not as easy for others.

People lingered in passageway, looking first in one shop, then the other. What were they trying to fathom out?

Well, possibly three main things:

1) Which has free tables
2) Who has the best sandwiches and cakes
3) Which has the nicer ambience

In the time there, I saw three couples go in both shops and look at the menu before deciding. This kind of open comparison is heartwarming. I bet the shop staff love it. That said, what a wonderful vote of confidence when people actually choose their shop. Somehow, with choice, it means so much more.

The staff would sometimes sneak an shifty glance at the other shop - it must be something of an uneasy stand-off. I do wonder whose idea it was to have them together.

Part of me wants to believe there are people out there who really don't care and just go in whichever one they arrive at first.

I would enjoy hating those people.

The tense view from Costas into Starbucks.

Any more mongers?

“There should be more mongers”, I remarked to Jason as he gently pressed his foot on the juice pedal of his large white shed vehicle. We were going to the cinema to see Borat, the movie. I think the actual title is more like:

“Borat - Cultural Learnings of Amercia for make benefit glorious republic Khazakstahn.”

...and this looked pretty funny on the BBFC classification at the start. Perhaps one of the better reasons for giving a film a long and stupid title.

“Yes, you're right, said Jason”, fiddling as he spoke with his well-thumbed iPOD.

I felt I should press my point a little:

“I mean, there are fishmongers... and ironmongers....”

Jason searched his organic database for extra mongers, but came up with none. Instead he raised the point that monger (meaning “seller”) could be applied to timber yards. He actually said:

“Woodmongers”

I'd love it if there were woodmongers. I, myself am a webmonger, as is he. Liz is a kind of knowledgemonger, and Tim is a designmonger. All worthy in their own right.

The film was great, by the way. Biting, stupid, achingly funny at times. Particularly one time. Never far from being truly cringeworthy. Yet, at the same time, the messages, such as they were, were delivered successfully.

I am undecided as to whether sexmonger is better than prostitute, but that is largely academic.

But then, this morning, having had a similar chat with Jo, she comes up with “costermonger”.

Bang on - costermongers are old time barrow boys, selling fruit and veg and flowers on street corners. So, there's another monger.

Any more mongers?

Bristol Again - Virgin Again

Well, here I am on the train to Bristol again. This time it is a very different experience.

The train was on time, the seat was specially saved for me so as to give me more room and the air conditioning is set to 'pleasantly comfortable.'

The train manager is the most polite and helpful man imaginable. He even carried my case for me at one point. He smiles, he offers his help to all and he seems genuinely happy.

The only thing bothering me is the huge potential that there now exists for everything to go wrong.

I guess it's a pressure I must learn to live with.

Another BBC News Gem

In this one, a fish and chip shop is investigated, following a complaint that it smells of 'Fish and Chips“.

One has to fundamentally question the mentality of someone who would complain that a thing is a thing. I mean - no-one complains that a fragrance shop smells of perfume.

Maybe this kind of thing is what makes British. Sadly.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_yorkshire/6126476.stm

Flexible Girl

Liz prides herself on being flexible, but I wonder if she was ever THIS flexible.

Sorry the quality of the video is not great, but it's still worth a look.

See the video if you “continue reading...”

It takes a little while to appear, but be sure to click you mouse in the white space where the video should be to start it playing.

Ozzie Tourism Funnies

Special thanks to David Todd (Toddy) for supplying this one via email.

Below are questions about Australia. They were posted on an Australian Tourism website and the anwers are the actual responses by the website officials.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Yes, it’s only 3000 miles - take lots of water

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is the big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not…oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Hervey Bay. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180o. Contact us when you get there and we’ll send the rest of the directions

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Just use your fingers like we do

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country next to Germany, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the choir plays every Tuesday night in Hervey Bay, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You’re a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in Am-eri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless and make good pets

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first

Simple Folk

I wonder, can you resist pressing the button?
...and then I wonder - Are your speakers switched on?

This is the simple folk music that the likes of Antonia, Liz and Jason play when we gather together sometimes, to cheat the cold of winter. We share a simple pork-face pie and then proceed to while away the evening playing the rich and haunting tunes that make this great land of Northumberland...erm...great.

It goes wrong a bit sometimes, but that's nice too. You'll be glad to know that I was not playing on this recording - my role was very much that of sound engineer. I recorded this on my phone, so the quality is not up to much.

Thank you for listening. There's a shiny penny for anyone who can guess who was playing what.

(Jason, Antonia and Liz are not allowed to enter this)

Not the best breakfast ever...

...but pretty damn close. Maybe only a sausage away.

A penultimate gentle prodding on the hob brought the breakfast to a climax of readiness.

A final arrangement on the plate from the lovely Jason

On the table at last - a truly exceptional repast. 

Up close - the flavour positively oozes out of this delicious food.

I only left a tiny amount, and I was pretty much bloated out.

The Jason brekky was a genuine British 110% pogger. Much more than that, though, because this was also a quality hand-reared breakfast.

Beef and Black Pudding sausage - Not really my taste, but beautifully executed.
Fried chicken's egg - Just one, but fried perfectly.
Fried Black Pudding - Nice and peppery, but also minted.
Roasted Cherry Vine Tomatoes - Surprisingly strong tasting, but pleasant.
Sauteed Mushrooms - Not easy to do well, but these were great.
Back Bacon  - Fried just right for me, well done and slightly crispy.
Fried White Bread - Fried in good fat, this tasted superb.
Baked beans in thick tomato sauce - Mmmm......perfect.
McSweeny's Hagggis - Consitently wonderful. A real treat.
Toast - Well done, but not burnt.

 

With a slight tweak on the sausage front this would have been close to being my most enjoyable breakfast ever. As it was, it was still way up there.

Thank you Jason - a truly epic brekky. I felt honoured.

Now, the mantle passes back to me. I have up to 2 months to plan and plot.

We shall see.

Look no further...

He may have a little interview to do after the newscast.

Guns on CCTV Cameras

It's very much the development we've been hoping for.