Thanks to Steve Forster for this cutting-edge illustration. It illustrates a method, perfected by his brother, Terry, for removing the back wheels of piglets.
Simply chase the piglet into the the milk churn, and then (once wedged firmly) quickly slice and pop-out as required. “The hardest thing is ignoring the noise”, said Terry, laughing warmly over a cup of tea as we shared this touching tale.
Using this method, he was able to remove the testicles of over 150 piglets a day, instead of around 40 using the old “grab-and-attempt-to-hold-and-get-quite-badly-hurt” method.
Thank you for reading this educational piece. God bless you.
I include the picture above - e'en tho' I kno' not who exposed the CCDs on that occasion. It seems to have everything. A happy Andy Webster, a truly sincere DeVere, Christine's hair, My head (but not much more), Robbies head (nice and shiny) and Katie's dress (nice and spangly). Each facet a winner.
It almost makes Soul Doubt look like a real band - and that's the dizzyingly high stand which we have foolishly set ourselves. Expect to see this picture featured on our forthcoming promo DVD cover. It was taken by either Ian or Rebecca DW. I have little doubt that the true photographer will reveal themselves in the comments of this entry.
So we played our simple tunes in a tiny hotel function room in Hexham. The sound was unbearably loud and the numbers in attendance quite small, but there was general agreement that we had a pretty good night.
It's hard to know really what to say about gigs. I guess you have to be there to experience what it's like. On the whole, though, I am always delighted to play and take part. It rarely fails to give me a lift - and that is so often what I need. Music rarely fails to deliver.
Tonight, I am going to go and and play musical notes to an assembled crowd who have specially came to see someone's wedding. Some of my friends will also play notes on other instruments.
One person will not play notes as such. Instead, he will randomly smash wooden sticks into drum-shaped objects known as “drums”.
I'm not sure what's got hold of me, probably some sort of bug. I feel yuk, headachey, sore throat and hot - or cold, it seems to vary. I'm relieved, actually. I thought I might just be very depressed when this started.
Lead-off time - delays - backlogs, they all seem to mean the same thing. What really fascinates me is that they often have a set time associated with them.
Haringey Council, for example, has a four-week waiting list for pest control visits. The thing is, that it is a stable list - it is always four weeks.
Wouldn't it be sensible to hire in some extra help for a month and reduce it to zero? Couldn't this be true of every waiting list or backlog?
The band we were taking moving pictures of were, and probably still are called “Crash”. They were pretty good, offering a mixture of rock covers versions performed with real flare and showmanship.
So, you can make you own mind up a bit, I suppose. You'll see a quick glimpse of PH filming with the other camera, so there's a reason to watch and enjoy even if you hate rock music.
Back to the holiday hell scenario - here are some shots of the main Butlins hall and the slot machines. Slot machines everywhere - literally. The noise is the big factor too - just a jumble of sound everywhere. Music from different sources all together, plus random PA announcements, plus slot machine “music”....arrghh! That hall is a nightmare. Even the corner of the main performance hall has 40 or so slot machines, and cash cascades etc.
I doubt I would ever choose to be there for recreational purposes.
The drive home was very long and quite slow at the start, but it was good to have Paul to chat to. I'm afraid I fell asleep at times, but we made it through to NBTS at about 4.30am. I arrived home, tired but knackered, but also happy - well, in a way. I guess.
Those of you who know and love me - sorry, both of you who know and love me will, no doubt, want to see a copy of the finished DVD. I know I will.
A tiring 22 hours, for sure, but it was quite an experience and I learned a lot - about driving in fog if nothing else.
I was out yesterday, filming a band, and a theme of the day was how foggy it was. It slowed u down both driving to and from Skegness, but more so on the homeward leg.
This movie gives you a picture of the moment when we realised we were in for it:
I found the process of filming and interesting, but exhausting one. exhausting creatively as well. there are only so many ways to re-invent the wheel, and I think I tried most of them. I hope to include some video, subject to licence to demonstrate how well or not my efforts paid off.
After the afternoon filming we had a big gap till the gig in the evening. this I spent in the holiday mecca of Butlins, or “Holiday Hell” as I now term it.
The music was blaring so loud I could not think, it echoed around the gaudy building like cheap cider in a vagrant's mouth. The people there all looked sad, as did I, no doubt. The food was poor quality and expensive - the stalls with games all looked so old and worn as to be outdated, yet still operating. Even the teddy bears on offer looked fed-up.
Everywhere that was not filled with anything else was occupied by a fruit machine or fifty. Being there for even a short time was depressing. Those who managed to overcome the downbeat vibe of this happy place seemed only able to do so by means of alcohol, a route not open to me, sadly.
After the wait came the evening gig. I'll tell you about this in the next exciting instalment.
Please, everyone, promise me you won't go to Butlins for your holidays. Please. No, really.
Thanks to Steve Forster for this cutting-edge illustration. It illustrates a method, perfected by his brother, Terry, for removing the back wheels of piglets.
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