...based on really not very much information - all of which gleaned in the plastic environment of the Big Brother House.
Is this fair? Certainly not.
Is is legal? I don't actually know, but I figure this a country where free speech is encouraged.
Is it honest? Of course it is, this is definitely what I think.
Will you get on with it please? Yes. Yes I will.
Michael Barrymore
This guy certainly seems to have his problems. Gone is the flashy and confident gent from the 80s and 90s, who managed to put people at their ease whilst being witty and never less than entertaining. We see his brilliance in brief glimpses, but there is a feeling that he has disappeared under the surface of celebrity and may never again rise from the murky depths.
In the house, he seems to be fine, then he can totally go “off it” and rant on and on for very little reason. He seems insecure and paranoid. I actually feel a little sad for him, because I always did like him, and I feel that he has copped for a good deal more negativity than he deserves.
Would I have a beer with him? Yes, of course I would. It would be an honour.
Chantelle
She must be the luckiest lass in the kingdom. Called in to play the game with celebrities, she has shown that an uncomplicated approach to life and almost no ego whatsoever makes for an attractive character that the public embrace.
I suppose it is no accident that she is a stunning looking blonde, but I won't hold that against her. Her singing debut with Kandifloss seems now inevitable. Despite that, I still like her.
Would I pop down to the local wine bar for a glass or two with her? Yes, that would be lovely, but I doubt we'd have much to say.
Dennis Rodman
I know nothing of Dennis's life in the USA and his fame there, so all I see is a foul-mouthed, lazy, tattooed, body pieced, selfish, sex-obsessed hunk of a man.
I'm sure there is a timid and lovely creature waiting to be discovered, but I'm not sure I want to be the giving and sensitive creative who does the searching. He presents as a man who wants to hide - wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses for the first 48 hours of his stay in the house. When I saw what he was like, I saw why. Somehow, I felt that he expected to be treated like more of a celebrity.
Would I have a beer with him? No, I'd rather have a second beer with Michael.
Faria
I actually warmed to this lady when I saw her in the house, although her link to celebrity is somewhat tenuous. For a reason I cannot quite fathom, I think of Chantelle as more of a celebrity than Faria.
I expected her to be ceaselessly opinionated and with a chip on each shoulder - particularly towards men, but I was assuming too much. Unlike Dennis, her nice bits are quite near the surface. I quickly saw the vulnerable person that she was, and found myself sympathising with her for losing her job for the oldest reason in the book.
That said, she broke an unwritten rule - she slept with her boss.....and her boss's boss. Maybe she deserves a little flack for that, but the course of love rarely runs smoothly. I hope she can deal with her hurt and go on to succeed well in the future.
Would I drop into Witherspoons for a pint and a natter with her? It would be a pleasure.
George Galloway
As far as slacking-off MPs go, I quite liked George Galloway, particularly at first.
While things were going his way he appeared calm, assured and up for any challenges Big Brother had to offer. Quite soon, though, we started to see him discussing other house-mates and aligning himself with others in an attempt to modify the nominations.
What was he doing? He was canvassing, of course! This, for George, in his little fantasy world, was a series of mini-elections. He even used the word himself in that context. So, it was quite natural for him to put forward his own good points, to show his strength and leadership qualities, to tell people how reliable and trustworthy he was.
It was also quite natural for him to discuss other people's voting intentions and to criticise the other contenders - after all, that's what one does in an election. This is why he had to repeatedly break the rule about discussing nominations. In his mind he HAD TO discuss nominations, and therefore the requirement not to talk about an election that he was a part of was entirely unreasonable.
Latterly, when we saw him under pressure, he showed himself to be an angry, selfish and untrustworthy man - eager to be nasty to others and to cling to his stance, however ridiculous. I do hope that those in his constituency have taken note, and have seen that the stately image is only on the surface.
Would I be tempted into some Westminster watering hole for a round or two of warm beer with him? My goodness me, no. That would be most unpleasant for me, and him as well, no doubt.
Jodie Marsh
It seems to me that Jodie hates herself for what she is, but is incapable of being anything else. She says that she is sick of just being seen as a sexual object, but that is literally all we have seen of her. She is known for posing topless and showing off her ample bosom. That's it.
As Pete rightly points out, we do not revere her for being an author or anything else. Up close, in the house, she really did not appear beautiful at all. There is something strange about her lips that almost makes it look like she has a moustache. Her nose is a little weird and her smile is too white. She looks like she has had three too many cosmetic procedures in an attempt to look perfect as she grows older.
Her behaviour was strange as well. She said she hated the emphasis always being about sex, and that she was in the house to show another side to herself, and then proceeded to talk about sex every single day, and she also went further than any house-mate in the line of sexual activity.
Jodie Marsh seems full of barriers and behaviours that have served her well thus far, but her life is changing as she gets older. She senses the need to change, but cannot seem to carry it off. It must be a harsh and unforgiving work in the world of glamour - I really do wish her well as she seeks to move on, I hope she makes it, because we see glimpses of a lovely person underneath it all.
I really don't think I would be at all well received in the places Jodie goes to drink, so I'll give it a miss. Jodie, if you fancy popping in for a coffee and a chat, that would be great. I have lots to ask you.
Maggot
Maggot is great. Despite being Welsh, he has the relaxed air of someone who is well-adjusted and who is genuinely chilled-out. I envy him that. He deals with his anger straight away and moves on. That's just how it should be.
He hasn't done anything spectacularly wrong, but then again, he hasn't done anything spectacular, full stop. His character lacks expression in a way that attracts the camera to him. He has remained popular in the house and so not nominated much. He has flown below the radar.
I would have liked to see how he reacted under greater pressure if there was a longer run. I like him, but I do not consider him to have done enough to deserve to win the series. A few gentle one-liners ain't enough to win the crown, methinks.
I'd happily share a pint with him, though. Anytime.
Pete Burns
I've chatted a lot about Pete to different people, and have ultimately decided that he is evil.
He has the key hallmarks of evil. He takes pleasure in the pain of others. He creates pain whenever he is bored. His egotism is breathtaking - and yet he is charming.
People live in fear of him, and what he is capable of. His implicit threat is that he will “go for people”. This seems to mean a concerted effort on his part to hound, criticise, question and harass at every available moment. Tracie has been on the receiving end of this, and it drove her to tears straight away.
What starts off as wit, quickly becomes something more foreboding. Pete seems to have a rich reservoir of hate and criticism to draw on. Any slight flaw in one of his house-mates is picked up on, and that house-mate is then torn to shreds.
Having established his power over the others, he then uses it to secure extra cigarettes for himself and to all but rule the roost. His special needs are always catered for, and should he feel that things are not entirely going his way he immediately threatens to leave.
Pete Burns takes over where diva leaves off. He is utterly impossible, and I truly pity the house-mates who have had to cope with him.
Pete says he is not a transvestite, but dresses in women's clothes. He says he is gay, but he was married for 20 years and has had only one gay relationship. He has changed his appearance radically at great personal cost, and now looks like no-one else on the planet. His face is barely human.
I think Pete has no idea who he is, despite searching desperately. He lashes out at those around him, but his real struggle is within. I suspect that, deep down, he is extremely hard on himself. I hope he has a therapist, but I feel like sending his therapist flowers and sympathy.
Were I to risk a swift half in the company of Pete, I might ask him why he treats people so horribly, and he might tell me that he has no idea. I really can't see why either of us would bother.
Preston
My first impression: What a nice lad.
Now, after a few weeks in the house I have decided that he really is a nice lad. He seems to have his feet on the ground, whilst celebrating his youth and having loads of fun.
Many people see him as a potential winner this year, and i can see why. He has been pretty straightforward with people, and made a good effort with the tasks. I do believe his is generally liked in the house.
I find myself running out of things to say about him. He's OK is Preston. Nice lad.
I'd have a beer with him, but I'd be hoping he had brought Chantelle with him as well...
Rula Lenska
I thought Rula brought much to the house. Her careful exposure of George Galloway was pure poetry to observe. It was a classic case of giving someone enough rope to hang themself. I found her witty, sexy, classy and full of fun. She would have made a great mother for the house, but for Pete's injection of evil in her direction.
She was not afraid to show her vulnerabilities, and to make an effort despite struggling at times. She had much to say that was wise and well-thought through. My impression of her was that she had not wasted her time on this planet.
Sadly, she was never going to win this competition, and so her earlyish departure was assured. Ladies do not do well, in general, on Big Brother. Older ladies, more so. I'm glad that she turned up and gave it a shot, it was good to see her.
I'd be honoured to be invited to her place for cocktails and a soiree. I think we'd have a great chat.
Tracie
I vaguely remember seeing Tracie bounce along the beach in a red swim-suit. She had a wonderful body then, and not much has changed. I do wonder if she has anything else than a body, though. Her endless loving and being excited about things is rather wearing for an English audience, I'd bet.
Whether or not it is true, there is a level of insincerity associated with an approach to life like Tracie's. It's so hard to feel that one is talking to a real person when the responses are often formula in nature.
I hear that she has been on game-shows before, similar to Big Brother, and so is something of a pro. He game-plan seems to be to do with repeating what others say with slight enhancement in an attempt to bring disharmony whilst appearing to be an honest broker.
In this country, it seemed to backfire rather. Her seemingly innocent displays were met with hard stares instead of the expected outrage at others. I was pleased that she was sussed out so easily. Since those attempts, she seems to have merely clung to the shadows and prayed that there would be more obvious choices to nominate.
She was right.
Tracie will not win later today. She's been a good filler to make up the numbers, and so we should thank her for that.
If I could find something that she's prepared to drink other than mineral water, I might manage an organic yoghurt drink with her and achieve a state of mild amusement for a brief period. Best I can do, sorry. Her body doesn't work on me.
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Well, if you've waded through that lot, you deserve to know my prediction for the winner of Big Brother this year.
Obviously, the smart money is on Preston and maybe Maggot, but I want it all and I want it right now - so I have to go for Chantelle. The public simply loves the notion that a non-celebrity can win Celebrity Big Brother, and her record is going to be a big hit. I promise you that.
Enjoy the final.
LEAVE JODIE ALONE!!!!!! Good stuff Andy though. I'm fascinated to know what you'd ask her. And whether she would or not...
Posted by: Jason | January 27, 2006 at 07:17 AM
Thanks for a great read Andy.It's good to see that others are as obsessed with cbb as I am.I don't know what you mean Jason,Andy was really very nice about Jodie!
Posted by: Elaine | January 27, 2006 at 10:54 AM