Divorce Update

Yep. Fiona and myself are still getting divorced.

I haven't harped on about it here, but maybe it is time for a bit of an update. Our papers went in some time ago, so we expect to have a date for the first decree. When we receive the first decree, we need to wait six weeks and one day, and then we can ask for the second, and final, decree.

No, there are not three decrees.

This will then leave us both free and available to get married. I was very cheered to see that people who are not heterosexual now have an opportunity to register their partnerships and have a meaningful marriage ceremony. I have long thought it to be a real injustice that gay partnerships had no legal status whatsoever, and I am glad that the powers that be had the good sense to fix it.

So, how am I feeling?

Pretty crap, actually. I sense the same in Fiona. There is a huge amount of sadness involved in leaving behind what has, for the most part, been a happy marriage between two people who have genuine love and positive feelings for each other.

Nevertheless, this house is now sold, and the new couple are keen to move in. I don't blame them for that, because Griffin House is a great place to live, and I shall miss it a huge amount. The sheer size of the place makes it fun to be in. It's easy to be out of the way here, noise is rarely an issue. When I need real peace away from the phone, I don't have to go out, I just go up to the attic and sit in a terrible old chair that happens to be incredibly comfy.

Now, I have to consider how best way to tear that chair to pieces. It's kinda symbolic, but not symbolic enough to prevent the massive amount of work required to box everything up ready for the move.

We have to do the dreaded apportioning of stuff. I have already printed the “Fiona” and “Andy” labels. The move itself will be into storage for me, but Fiona stands a good chance of having her house bought in time to synchronise the moves.

So, with my stuff in storage, where will I go? I actually have little choice. I could try and rent a place in NBTS for a while, but I'm not sure I fancy that lonely existence. I have made my life choice to be with TL, and so it seems sensible that I move in with her for a while in Huddersfield, prior to moving to NBTS when Liz's house is sold.

There more perceptive amongst you will therefore realise that I will be around to pack that house up too. Doubtless TL will be upset to be leaving her snug cottage after four years, too. Her and her C3 D2 B1 (or whatever) have lived there since she bought it, so it is very much their house. I will feel like quite the impostor, at least for a while.

So, as you can see, I have a fairly complete picture of what will be happening in my life.  It must all sound very cut and dried. I assure you that little could be further from the truth - certainly in terms of how I feel.

Surely, when the changes start to kick in for real it will be better. One thought I had was this: Maybe I cannot proceed to truly grieve for my marriage until I have completely left it behind.

I'll let you know.

Comments

[Rebecca]

Well Andy,you are completely right. You will not begin to grieve for your marraige until it is completely left behind. All marraiges whether amicable or abusive will leave unanswered questions and lots of thought, but when you do come through on the other side you will be richer in personality and understanding beyond even your own expectations. I went through a lot, but feel better for it and wouldn't change who I am.
So we are all with you and wish you well on this coming journey.

[Jason]

Seconded.

[Frank]

I wish you well, Andy. You were there for me when my last longterm relationship suddenly combusted, and helped me an enormous amount. My thoughts are with both you and Liz.

[Ian]

You would never be alone in NBTS
Although, if it came to a choice between us and TL I can see why you made your decision.

[tom]

Best wishes, Andy.

[Liz Marshall]

Imposter? Disguised?
You are very welcome to live in my hobbit hole. Sorry I can't manage the round back door .... or front door.
Which will you call it?

[Ghentzid]

Hi Andy!! I wish you well. Cheer up !! I'm also divorced. The beginning it isn't easy but worth it.

[Tim the Enchanter]

Honest, poignant, touched with pathos...but at the same time tinged with his hallmark humour...a wonderful post from a wonderful man. Thanks Andy!

[Louise]

So what's the B1 stand for? I am intrigued! I wouldn't worry about felling like an impostor because well I won't be there! It will be me that will feel like an impostor for a time until I find something more permanent. It has to be done, it will be easier to move out before really really having to, peel the plaster slowly, that's my philosophy!