AndyBlog

The diary I don't have time to keep

I got up late today, maybe in recognition of the lost nights of sleep recently - and maybe in preparation for a busy weekend ahead.

I was hungry, almost instantly. This is unusual for me, I usually take an hour or so of awakeness before the familiar pangs kick in.

So, there I was, in the shower, designing a brunch omelette. It may be the curse of amateur chefs like me to spend more time than is entirely healthy plotting a simple meal for one. Nevertheless, as the Imperial Leather swirled over my extensive body, I wondered how one might go about making the ultimate brunch omelette.

This was the result:

First, I beat two eggs together, with no added milk or water, but with some salt and pepper. I put that to one side and cross cut two large tomatoes, so that when I blanched them in boiling water, the skins fell off very easily.

I then removed the seedy bits of the tomatoes, so that I could chop the fleshy bits and use them in the frying stage. Once chopped, I seasoned the fleshy bits of the tomatoes with salt and black pepper. I kept the seedyj/uice bits of the tomatoes in a bowl, as shown above.

Here you see the chopped bacon and chopped red onions. Frying in a non-stick pan with no added fat. I have, at this stage, just added those chopped flashy bits of the tomato.

A lot of people add the cheese with the egg, but I like to crumble some cheese and add it first. This gives it chance to melt, an maybe just go a little bit cooked and frizzly.

Now, you see the egg in - I add it around the edge first, and let it creep towards the middle. Once the egg is in and starting to cook, I added the juicy and seedy bits of the tomatoes. I reckon this will add nice flavour to the omelette, and help to keep it moist.

Well, as you can see, I didn't make a great job of turning the omelette out, but the taste was delicious. It really was packed with flavour and very moist, yet with the odd frizzly bit here and there. Yummy.

Is it wrong to have a nice slice of marmalade toast and a mug of tea in my favourite mug afterwards?

After eating this marvellous feast, I wrote this blog entry.

Now it is now.

A Few Beer

Again, I find myself in a position where I want to have a narrative to accompany the picture, but, in reality, all I have is an amusing or (arguably) semi-amusing picture.

I should also point out that I have been partially responsible for dealing with the contents, which has proved to be an enjoyable/semi-enjoyable experience.

Thank you all for your time.

A Few Soup

First of all, I think you should know some of the other contenders for the title of this blog entry:

“All souped up and no-where to go”

“A tale of two soups”

“A soup without a cause”

Unlike most people, (a phrase which almost stands alone in describing me) I not only enjoy a nice dish or mug of soup, I also enjoy the creation of these vastly underrated culinary masterpieces. So much so, that I begged to be allowed to produce some garlic soup for the recent Snods Edge International Garlic Festival (SEIGF). They kindly allowed me to give it my best shot, and it worked out OK, with 435 samples of the soup enjoyed (mostly) and over 130  portions sold.

So, quite naturally, when Jason & Antonia invited me to their recent “Party Without Portfolio”, I offered to create something interesting in the soup department. The result was my version of Bean & Bacon Soup, which seemed to go down well.

Flushed with success, I was due to attend an event tomorrow which openly demanded soup. This, figured I, was the long hoped-for soup domination I craved. A chance to create a truly spectacular soup in honour of the occasion. The soup I have arrived at, after much deliberation, is “Northumbrian Red” - a delicate burstation of tomatoes, carrots, garlic and basil. It's quite delicious, and I have rather a lot of it.

Next to the Northumbrian Red, nestles a small pan of garlic soup, made at great personal cost in order to honour Jason and Antonia. They'll get theirs.

Sadly, I am told that the planned festivities have had to be cancelled at the last minute, thus leaving me all souped up, and no-where to go. (Hey, that sounds like a cue for a title...)

People of the North East - soup lovers - I implore you.  Phone, email, text and FAX me our orders for Northumbrian Red soup. I am but a vessel, a very full vessel.

Soup, anyone?

Meme Response - Jo

1. A random thought I have about you:

How many cards can you make in a day?

2. A song/movie which reminds me of you:

Who Will Sing Me Lullabies - Kate Rusby

3. A pudding substance to wrestle with you in:

Mint jelly, eased with gin.

4. Something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think):

I miss Casper.

5. My first memory of you:

No-one has ever typed so engagingly in a chat window.

6. The animal you remind me of:

A South-Festalien Shu-Shu Varky.

7. Here's something that I've always wondered about you:

If you had £10 million  - where would you live and what would you do?

You are politely requested to post this on your blog (yes - it helps if you have your own blog too, but you don't have to as I'm not an internet Nazi) and do it for others.

I believe that children are our future...

Teach them well, and let them lead the way.

I wrote these words some years ago, and some bloke ruined them by making them into a cheesy song.

I've always known that children have a capacity, on certain days when all factors are running in their favour, to appear for a short while to be less than unpleasant. No-one could accuse me of being unrealistic or unkind in saying that. well, that's not quite true, is it?  Probably most people would say that it is a very unkind thing to say, and you'd be right, because children are our future.

Actually, that lyric annoys me immensely. Not just because it juxtaposes “are” with “our”, but because it appears to invalidate us adults - and we're clearly better. It's always bemused me that when small children bring their pictures back from school, parents fall over backwards to say how good they are. What planet are they on? Is it any wonder that so few of the world's greatest artists are British?

If the youth of Britain learn that this...

...is a really good picture and that they are very clever - then what hope is there? We have sealed our fate as a nation of poor artists. Surely, we should tell them that this picture is totally rubbish, and ask them to produce better work. It's a very simple procedure, but if we consistently ask for work which is a even just a little better than at present, surely the teaching puzzle is solved already? The answers seem so simple, and yet society fails to learn.

I am not a father at present - nor have I ever been a father.

I think I've already demonstrated that I have the key parenting skills required to get my children to behave and produce quality work, but despite my obvious aptitude, I doubt I shall ever enjoy the delights of parenthood. This is perfectly fine, and I am well used to the occasional sadness that this life-decision brings. I once wrote a “Lullaby for the child who would never be.” It is a sad and wistful little piece. Anyway, I digress. (more a statement of fact than an apology of any sort)

Pictured left here, you'll see some kids and a strange man. He's actually a very nice man and possibly the best man ever, since Roy Castle. (But I would never say that - not in public anyway.)*

The kids are largely his work, although a lady did take some small part in it. The real point of this posting is that I find, in this middle stage of my life, that I like kids more than ever I did. I see the good in them, and respect their boundless energy. I see the potential in their creativity and how they still have the chance to make something of their lives.

The thing I find truly amazing is that they might spare some of their busy time to interact with me, the fat bloke in the corner. Not only that, but to want to show me their games and stuff, and treat me like I was even half worthy to occupy their excellent kids world - well, that's extraordinary. Sure, not something I could handle 24/7/365, but quite a nice way to spend maybe a Sunday afternoon, or something.

Who knows? Maybe I'll eventually qualify as some sort of mad uncle. That might be cool.

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*I find it much easier to write this blog if I pretend no-one reads it.

All Meme'd out...

That's how it feels. We've had fun with these little things, but it is time to move on and return to the usual mix of subjective cynicism and misery.

Ah yes, more comfortable territory here.

Here's a tip for the would-be vulnerable/needy person:

Buy a very cheap car, sight-unseen, from a relative stranger.

With luck, it will prove very poor value for money and repeatedly let you down, before suddenly blowing a head-gasket near Chester-le-Street and wasting an entire evening.

Then, you can moan to all your friends about how unfortunate you are, and how life treats you badly.

Job done.

Meme Response - The Queen

1. A random thought I have about you:

Are the crown jewels heavy to wear?

2. A song/movie which reminds me of you:

God save the Queen

3. A pudding substance to wrestle with you in:

Royal Jelly

4. Something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think):

A pound on Kipling's favourite, ma'am?

5. My first memory of you:

You were on a stamp I once had...unforgettable. Nice profile.

6. The animal you remind me of:

A Corgi dog.

7. Here's something that I've always wondered about you:

Do you really work the check-out in Kwik-Save, Stanley, on a Thursday evening?

You are politely requested to post this on your blog (yes - it helps if you have your own blog too, but you don't have to as I'm not an internet Nazi) and do it for others.

Meme Response - Jeff

1. A random thought I have about you:

Is it OK to have that much sugar in coffee?

2. A song/movie which reminds me of you:

Sean of the dead

3. A pudding substance to wrestle with you in:

Mercury

4. Something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think):

How long would the “pooks” have lasted?

5. My first memory of you:

Bowed over your faithful Spectrum 48K, programming something or other.

6. The animal you remind me of:

Sloth

7. Here's something that I've always wondered about you:

Do you /really/ believe being bald makes you more attractive?

You are politely requested to post this on your blog (yes - it helps if you have your own blog too, but you don't have to as I'm not an internet Nazi) and do it for others.

Meme Response - Tim

1. A random thought I have about you:

Why does everyone think you're wise?

2. A song/movie which reminds me of you:

Anything by Sarah McLachlan

3. A pudding substance to wrestle with you in:

Purest German Hock

4. Something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think):

I'm cross that it doesn't  flash every 20 seconds in real life, too.

5. My first memory of you:

I wasn't there, but you were - emblazoned on my webcam, thanks to Jason's kind publicity. You were a shadowy figure, shrouded in design mystery. You said little, but obviously commanded great respect.

6. The animal you remind me of:

You remind me of a A Lemur. Mammal-like in every way - yet able to fly.

7. Here's something that I've always wondered about you:

Are you actually Eminem?

You are politely requested to post this on your blog (yes - it helps if you have your own blog too, but you don't have to as I'm not an internet Nazi) and do it for others.

Meme Response - Christine

1. A random thought I have about you:

Is it only tall men for you?

2. A song/movie which reminds me of you:

I can't make you love me - Bonnie Raitt

3. A pudding substance to wrestle with you in:

Purest brandy - preferably XO

4. Something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think):

I'm always glad to see the back of you.

5. My first memory of you:

There you were, in front of me, tassels fully armed and ready for action. Black Tassels.  Mmmm, lovely black tassels. Thank heavens I didn;t have any scissors on me that day.

6. The animal you remind me of:

A lovely buxom antelope.

7. Here's something that I've always wondered about you:

(OK, I had three goes at this - I think this one is printable.)

Would you give up music for money?

You are politely requested to post this on your blog (yes - it helps if you have your own blog too, but you don't have to as I'm not an internet Nazi) and do it for others.