The day before she passed away.
I suppose it's a form of denial, because I still hear her around the house. Those little shuffles as she moves into the room. The slight bang as she comes through the kitchen door, knocking it. The clash of pot against wood as she gets the last morsel from her dish. Her trademark cough as she rids herself of a troublesome fur-ball.
It's all still there.
Which means...that half the noises I attributed to her, were not Holly's at all. Scary. I still think she is around, and will appear at any moment. I greet her when I come into the house, I imagine her joy in meeting me. I sling food onto the kitchen floor knowing that she will hoover it up.
I spend much time in this room, and she was a part of it. In her later years, she hated loud music. I think her days as a studio dog had made her pretty deaf, and maybe with tittinus. So, I have got used to using headphones because of her. It has been hard learning to use speakers again. Just little things, but I do miss her.
Why am I wailing on about it? Well, one blog entry ain't much to reflect over 15 years of companionship, so I don't really think I have anything to apologise for. I doubt even two will completely cover it. No amount could.
And yet, even as I write this, I know that at least one reader of this blog has had a much greater grief to deal with recently, remembering the passing of a close relative. I guess everything has its context.
I am so grateful for the friends I have and those who are there for me when times get tough. I take my hat off to you all. Or at least I would, if I could find a suitable one and put it on in time.
Enough morbidity. Maybe life will have some nice surprises around the corner?
Please stop laughing hysterically.
PS My foot is improved, although still rather painful and swollen. It'll need time.
My memories of Holly? Well, they still makes me smile.
1. She was sitting on my knee as I watched TV .... then she farted. I nearly passed out!
2. Tearing round and round the churchyard after being let off her lead. There was definitely whippet somewhere in the mix.
Posted by: Liz Marshall | August 10, 2005 at 01:57 AM
I do wish you'd write something in your blog every day.
It's been six days since you last one. My sincere condolences on your loss. I hope your foot heals sooner rather than later and please think of something to write tomorrow. Thanks.
Posted by: christine | August 13, 2005 at 12:15 AM