Winter in the air

When I woke up today, winter was in the air. I could smell it as soon as I opened the door, and very soon feel it reach right through to my bones as an icy blast caught me on the way to my car. The stuff that was gently dripping from the sky was almost certainly rain, but as I made the short journey into town, I fancied it might be sleet or even the beginnings of snow.

The leaves have all fallen now and they are turning to a miserable brown mush, the beauty of autumn is all but lost. The arrival of our coldest season brings fear and trepidation for many, joy for a few - and I count myself amongst that number today, because this is the time when I am starting to be free again.

As I go about my very ordinary tasks, there is a spring in my limp, and a smile on my lips. I feel an optimism for the future that I have lacked for a very long time. Sure, it is not without its fragility, and I am painfully aware how easily it could be destroyed, but I believe in living for the moment, enjoying the now that holds promise, rather than fearing the set-backs which give rise to despair.

I am enjoying the feeling of looking back- yes, actually looking back on the recent, rather painful, past. Just a couple of weeks ago I could barely sit at this desk for 20 minutes without being crippled in agony. Now I can be here a couple of hours before I need to retreat. The pain, which at one time robbed me of virtually all the personality that makes me who I am, has been cut down to size, a manageable size. I feel like I can be useful again, I feel like I can add my own unique flavour to the happenings around me.

It matters so much to me to be able to help, and not to be a burden. My inspiration in continuing is that I can make my mark on this world, maybe not a big contribution, but one that is worthwhile - one that has genuinely helped others. It sounds so much like an ideal spouted by a Miss World contestant, but that's how I feel. Much of the frustration of being completely laid up, is about wanting to be involved in music, design, being part of various projects and adding some of my own brand of meaningless babble to the meetings I attend. Maybe I flatter myself, but I feel that I can make a bit of a difference. I may not be able to solve the problems of the world, but I can usually go some way towards improving the quality of someone's wet Wednesday afternoon.

Every serious illness reminds us of how fragile our existence is. How short our time could be on this world, how precious the people we love and how important to do the things that really matter. As I look forward into the coming winter, it is with optimism and a some excitement.

I hope I can pass a little of this on to you too.

(Click on the pictures, I took them today, and they go all big and smashing if you do)

Comments

[Louise Marshall]

Let it snow let it snow let it snow.
It satred to snow today while I was at work. Like real proper snow.... now that's what I call winter!
All I needed was pretty fairy lights and a brass band playing Christmas tunes and it would have been the best bit of Christmas too!

[AndyC]

Be careful what you wish for, Lou, there might be an awful lot of that sort of thing before we're done.

No real snow here yet, I am envious of yours.

[Aaron]

well down here in London we just have rain upon rain. Snow very rarely falls here because it doesn't get past the band of pollution that obviously dissolves it into..........rain. Oh how I miss Newcastle, trudging about on the field in front of our house in Cramlington :-( pooey London

[AndyC]

Aaron, I do so hope you make it up North at some stage. We can keep a little snow for you in the freezer and, perhaps, throw it at you.

Besides, it would be great to meet you.

[Aaron]

Yes Andy, I MIGHT be making a trip up to the olds (ie Tim and Bren) in the not too distant future (ie 3rd December, my 28th birthday!). I actually hope it is snowing. If its not, I might be up again at Christmas. Thanks for the snow-throw offer which I will decline. Just eating it will be enough thanks.