AndyBlog

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It's a procedure I have become used to. I sit down and focus on one area or another of my life and simply write a blog entry. Naturally, there's that little trip off onto the web to find just the right picture to illustrate my point. Finally, a check through to make sure there are no spelling mistakes or formatting errors, then I upload it onto the server. All very nice, neat and orderly.

The interesting thing about tonight is that I simply have nothing to say. It just struck me that it was more true to the nature of this blog to take the time and trouble to let you know. Obviously, things have happened and I have engaged in various activities, but as I sit here, looking at the screen, the most honest thing I can say is that I have nothing to say. I feel numb, tired and lifeless. I'll feel better in the morning, certainly for a while - I always do. I just hope that by the time I come to write again, I am sufficiently thawed out to be able to express to you what I feel.

And now I laugh, because I have just nipped onto the web to find just the right picture to illustrate my point.

Please make entertaining comments and rescue this posting. Thanks.

Legs and Alps, but mostly Alps

Hello to you, loyal readers of this self indulgent rubbish. I am more grateful to you than I know. Firstly, in reply to the two emails I had, asking me why I posted a picture of an inverted white breast on my recent Blog entry "Christians, like Jesus?" I would merely point out that it was actually a whitewashed tomb, and let you draw your own conclusions.

I decided to turn up some pictures of places I have been on holiday to as I browsed the web today. This was in between bursts of visitors, who were all most welcome and great to talk to - no really I do mean that. Nevertheless, there is a weariness in seeing a good few people in one day - the day feels very busy, particularly as I have grown used to being mostly alone.

Anyway, I digress. I suppose that is more of a generic statement than anything, but it is, none the less, true. I looked at some of the USA places, then some of the continental ones, before happening across this one, of Kleine Scheidegg in Switzerland. It is primarily a stop off on the way up to the high alps. It houses some ski hotels and a wonderful narrow gauge railway station. From here, you can catch a further train which literally cuts a channel through the centre of the Jungfraujoch mountain right to the top. When you reach the top, there are views as shown of the Jungfrau Glacier - all in a summery -16 degrees centigrade.

When you've made it up there, as we did, there is a lovely and very well organised visitor centre, full of warnings not to try and run at this altitude. Actually, I felt quite sick, and had to take it very steady. This next bit is the best bit:

So there you are, very high up, short of oxygen and, frankly, even the Swiss cannot get a train to take people any higher, so - undaunted - they know they have not actually reached the top of this mountain and therefore build a lift right up the mountain's centre, to a place they call The Sphinx. You can just make the place out in this final picture. If you click on the photo it will come up in a window, much biggerer.

Naturally, we took the lift up there, where it was colder still, around -20 degrees centigrade. As we turned to leave, we noticed that they'd put a post box there. That's as near as you're likely to get to Swiss humour, that is.

It was a great trip - the whole holiday was magical, and I remember it with considerable fondness. I also wonder whether I will ever be able to do that sort of stuff again. All my daydreams these days are about doing things and going places. I would love to breathe the clear mountain air of the Swiss Alps again. It would do me good.

Instead, I'll lie on a bed at a 30 degree angle and try not to seep or become too infected. Now that's living, alright.

Not.

I think I'd better think it out again

It's not the easiest thing, being ill a long time. I know I've mentioned this before, but I felt I should state it one more time. The reason? I suppose the reason to state it again has something to do with the frustration you will feel on reading me moaning about it again. It's that edgy feeling of “Good grief, this has been going on way too long!” I feel it too.

Now, I have to deal with renewed problems which take me back a couple of weeks. The pain and discomfort is such a well worn path that I don't even notice the way I express and deal with pain anymore. It's just a part of my life. What I do notice, is the numbing effect this condition has on my life. The times when the real me emerges are rare, and I more often find myself blanketed by depression. The temptation to write myself off, and to encourage others to do the same is very great.

I do feel optimistic, but only in short bursts. Maybe that's a start, but this long road doesn't seem to have an end, and nor do I have an effective coping strategy. I think sharing my thoughts here is a very good way to let off steam. Far better than moaning individually to the people I know. It frees me to be up-beat in conversation, without being less than honest about how I am.

Tell you what - those bears are heavy.

Christians, like Jesus?

I saw this in an article recently, and it gave me a refreshing reminder.

“I mean, the teachings of Jesus are a great moral guide. Jesus is one of the greatest role models I can think of. It's a shame that Christianity has gone so far from the teachings of Jesus. I don't know anyone less Jesus-like than most Christians.”

Bill Maher

For me, saying I am a Christian matters not one bit, either to me or those I know. Now, if I could actually act like one...

You know you've been...

...around computers too long when you enquire, whilst at an Indian Restaurant, whether they do a Tandoori Norton Gosht.

I, am the only cellulitis infected person in this village!

So this chap's probably just a bit red and puffy. Not the real thing at all.

(Apologies to DW & ML)

...and to prove it, I have some very authentic leg seepage going again. Yes, it seems I haven't lost my touch. I've still got it, mainly because it's just started again. I hate this. Not surprisingly. It's sobering to realise that my (so called) normality hangs by a thread. So, it's a case of jam tomorrow, or maybe the day after that - and then not much, and even that might taste horrible.

Round and round and round we go...

Health Check-In

I've had a good day today. I took all my pain killers and got on with the business I had to do, without being greatly bothered by anything except background pain. I only mention this because it hasn't happened in my life for several months. As I went through the day I wondered what was missing, and it is only now, late in the afternoon, that the arrival of strong pain made me realise how blissful the day has been. I've been a bit achy and stiff, sure, but not totally disabled and distracted by pain, and for this I am supremely grateful.

It is a welcome release, and I am hoping that it will set a pattern for my onward recovery. It's been a quiet day spent around the house, which is a good platform to feel well from to start with. well, apart from gloating and feeling proud of myself, there is little more to say. Long may it continue.

I'm going out tomorrow, that should put a stop to all this positivity. :)

An ending, of sorts...

They say that every cloud has a silver lining, and also that every silver lining may have a cloud, but I comfort myself that these clouds inside the silver lining also, within them, have their own silver lining. The only trouble is, that even these tiny silver linings carry with them, inside, further clouds, and that, really, is my point.

I think I may have approached this all wrong, and so should start again. I have a curious feeling that I am losing my train of thought. I used to love trains as a child, still do, really, although it is far from acceptable these days to admit it. Oh dear, this really won't do. You see, I want to tell you about my ending, and that isn't the way my ending goes, it's just a lot of silly words.

You see, I have this ending, that I want to tell you about, but it is hard to frame into words, so I am writing a load of rubbish instead. Please bear with me, I'll spit it out soon.

More Bush

Naturally, these Bush and Osama dolls are selling like hot cakes in the USA. They form a perfect part of the fabric of misinformation that has been touted by Mr. Bush and his colleagues since they entered government in the year 2000. In a recent poll, over 70% of US citizens believe that operations in Iraq are geared toward catching Osama Bin Laden. That's all the proof I need that something is very wrong.

Anyway, now he is back for his last four years. He has achieved what his father did not, a second term. He will never have to hit the campaign trail again, because America has cleverly limited their Presidents to two terms. I can only think that this law was put in place for exactly this sort of situation.

So, away he goes, happy to have won such a convincing majority, content with all he has done to date, and keen to go on leading America in the same way for another four years.

May God have mercy on us all.

Laugh? Yes.

It's 2.04am, right now, and I just received an email from someone within 5 minutes of making my last post. I shall leave the person anon, but they said this:

"Never mind all that - how are you?"

Yes. I am sorry, there I was, philosophising, and all you really want to know is how I am doing, healthwise.

OK, I give in. Here it is:

As of Saturday morning I was quite optimistic. The seepage was dying away nicely and overall pain was down. Now that I have taken the overalls off, it has gone completely. The leg pain, however, remains. (Gosh, I am SO funny)