Sunerland General Hospital probably isn't the kind of place that will appear on TV in one of those morning slots. Their bathrooms are not so good, for one thing. What this picture could never adequately convey is the rich and all-powerful aroma.
Nevertheless, when one has just experienced one's most painful ever bandage change and been attacked by another patient - it represents the kind of lockable haven the one needs at a time like that.
All is quiet on the ward now, it's like that during the day. Impossible to imagine the anarchic mayhem of last night.
The nurses were overstretched, because the whole ward was kicking off. I was a little cheesed off because my bandages had not been changed all day. Spider-man and Geordie were completely gutted at not being allowed home, as was Smiler, but he was not involved in the trouble.
It kicked off around 11pm with Geordie taking all his clothes off and using another patient's bed as a toilet. Nice. Then the nurses arrived to give me my IV drips and change my bandages. For me, it was a bit too much going on at one time.
They set about both legs at the same time, ripping off bandages, tearing through Tubifast™. They must have noticed me looking rather pasty-faced and not breathing well.
"Does this hurt you?"
...one asked...
I don't remember much more. It's a bit of a blur. They're not great bandages, but they're on.
Unfortunately, whilst they did their work, one of the nurses must have ripped out my vent. So, the dodgy process of inserting a new one had to take place before my IV antibiotics could continue.
Are you still with me?
At around 2am my drip finished and I settled down to sleep.
Barely minutes later I felt a touch on my legs, and there was Spider-man. His real name is John.
I was quite startled and told him to go away back to bed. He moved forwards and thrust my Patientline™ TV at me. I put my arm out and sopped it hitting my head.
A little louder now, I insisted he get out out of my way and go back to bed.
Then he took a folded from the bottom of my bed, folded it once more and hit my legs a few times.
I was kinda shocked and still am really. I reported this to the night staff and, rather fearfully, tried to sleep again.
Geordie and John were up and down all night. At 4am, Geordie phoned his son to ask him to pick him up for the pub. After getting no joy, he switched Radio 2 on, nice and loud.
How was your night?
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