As I sat in Church last week, I realised I had a big decision to make. It was one that had been presenting itself, on and off, for a while. Not surprisingly, the theme of the service was about making decisions - wholly appropriate for me.
As things rolled along, I began to realise that I wasn't really listening too hard to what was being said, because I was hearing something loud and clear in my head. Maybe I had been hearing it loud and clear for a long while, but had been ignoring it.
The trouble is, big decisions nearly always involve hurt and some sort of loss. They are easy to run away from because of this. After all, what truly good thing can there be that means hurting people? It's clever rationalisation, but it does not really hold.
So much has changed in my life in recent times. Some things I have had to change myself, others have merely happened to me. The latter are a lot easier to cope with. The changes I have made myself have all been thought out very carefully beforehand, and then entered into with caution, trepidation and a fair amount of sadness. Even the decision to lose weight was a tough one. I had to decide that I really did want to lose the weight - and that I really did want to stop eating the way I used to. It was a lifestyle change and it carried with it a cost.
This present decision is a lot harder, but the final piece of the jigsaw is now in place, and I know what I must do. I am always quick to criticise those who decide something and then back track - so I am writing this to let myself know how sure I am right now.
I can't tell you what it is at the moment - but I will in due course.
...and that is as near to a cliff-hanger as I get.
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