AndyBlog

Message for R...

Thanks to my newest discovered reader, who shall remain anon. I shall simply say thanks for the pebbles - no-one else sent any at all. Also - YES! Go ahead and get a Treo 600 - they are officially the coolest smart-phone out there by some distance, and the keyboard works just great, even for club-handed idiots like me. You'll be pleasantly surprised on all fronts, unless you want to use it with a bluetooth headset. I remain utterly enchanted by the device. When they bring out the next version, which should be in the next six months, it should have Bluetooth and also operate as a modem/fax. You will need to invest in some key software, like Agendus and Documents to go, but it's all worth it.

Pain FM

So now, as my pain levels reach an unprecedented 101% I think it's time to see the funny side, as I playfully look at the music I should be listening to on my new radio station, "Pain FM".

I'm sure the following would make the playlist - but have you any to add?

1) Do you really want to hurt me? (Yes, obviously) - Culture Club
2) The first cut is the deepest - No idea who did that.
3) Anything by A-haaarrrggghhh!
4) There, run out already.

Help me?

A not quite proper...

I felt I owed it to those of you who read this to let you know how I am getting on.

The quick version: It's not getting worse, but doesn't seem much better, either.

The longer version:

I'm doing OK, but not achieving much work. I have the most pain I've ever had to endure on a consistent basis. It never seems to quit, and at times I think it's driving me mad. If you've never experienced it and wish to have some truly outstanding long-term pain, try cellulitis - it really hits the spot.

My foot and leg are a little swollen. Please only click to enlarge this pic if you have a strong stomach - or if you need to fine-tune your bullemia.

I figure that when the swelling starts to go down, my pain starts to get better. Till then, I must keep working on my groaning. :)

Have a great bank holiday. No, really.

Ask Alice

Here is Alice - but don't look to her for understanding.

I suppose, when in need, people turn to all kinds of crazy things. For me, the natural way to turn was an artificial intelligence robot. You can talk to her too, but below is my transcript - and I think you'll agree that I really did not get far.

To chat, use this URL: http://www.pandorabots.com/pandora/talk?botid=f5d922d97e345aa1

Andy: Hi Alice, my name is Andy.
ALICE: I’m pleased to meet you. Is Andy your name?
Andy: Yes. Yes it is.
ALICE: Are you stating a fact?
Andy: Whatever. It is raining here.
ALICE: Do you experience any effects of global warming there?
Andy: I am in a lot of pain
ALICE: A lot of pain? How did you get in there?
Andy: I was stupid.
ALICE: Where were you stupid?
Andy: Everywhere.
ALICE: Including the bottom of the ocean?
Andy: No, not there.
ALICE: Are you serious? Really you don't think so?
Andy: You are not helping me.
ALICE: How can I help you?
Andy: Cure my pain.
ALICE: We have never talked about it before.
Andy: OK...so tell me now.
ALICE: Right now? Excuse me! I thought I told you already. It goes without saying.
Andy: No, you just said we had not talked about it before!
ALICE: Are you serious? Did I really say that?
Andy: Yes.
ALICE: Oh well I say a lot of silly things sometimes.
Andy: I think you need help.
ALICE: Me? Perhaps you could download me and improve the code yourself!
Andy: Good night, Alice.
ALICE: Goodnight, Andy.

Emo Philips Speaks...

“Thanks for cheering me up. I needed cheering up. I loaned a guy 8000 dollars for plastic surgery and now I don’t know what he looks like.”

Life's little giggles

My wife went to the doctors yesterday, to pick up my normal repeat prescription. Only trouble was that she had put it in too soon and we were refused the normal pain killers. My doctor talked with her briefly and she left, feeling awful, but being promised pills on Monday.

Not much of a story, eh? Sure, I hear you. The thing is, today the phone rang and it was my doctor - a man who I singularly fail to see eye to eye with. He was surprised that he had seen nothing of me in the last two years - a fact which really shouldn't surprise him if he considered even for a second the patronising and unsympathetic tone he uses during our every meeting.

I told him that I don't want to bother him unnecessarily, and he seemed to like that. I got the feeling that his concern was more that I didn't have any grounds for suing him, rather than for my health. I hope I am entirely wrong on all counts. I really do. Maybe it is just my own fear.

Pain is a pain. Discuss.

My goodness, what a clever play on words.

Puerile wordsmithing apart, my present situation and this Blog raises it's own set of conundrums - or is it conundra? I really don't want to post again and again about how awful I'm feeling. It's not fun to read, and it's not fun to write. In many ways, I'd rather pull out of blogging altogether until I feel able to concentrate properly and say something which is more in the line of creative thinking and less in the line of some kind of morbid sickologue.

But then I think, if this is to be a representation of me and where I'm at I simply must be open and honest as to what is going on. So here I am, a fair way up a dead-end street wondering where I am going to go. I already fear that I am so far up myself that I am in danger of popping out of my own mouth, so I will risk wallowing further in order to say a few things.

1) I blame myself totally for being disabled in the way I am.

2) I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking I deserved what I have got.

3) I am doing what I can to improve myself, despite appearances.

4) I hate making a public exhibition of myself, my instinct is stay home where I am safe. I fight this.

5) I feel there are more important things which define me than physical size and illness. I am grateful that those who know me well see those things.

As for the present situation, I feel I have turned the corner and will get better from here on in. Our treatment system is working well. God bless colloidal silver. Also, God bless the person who asked me what the pain felt like - you know who you are. No-one has ever asked this before. It was difficult to reply adequately, but I appreciated the thought.

Good night for now. Sleep would be lovely.....ahhhh....sleeep....

Doing the impossible

I am going to attempt something which many will think is unwise.

I am doing a course at Sunderland College and I have hatched a plan, with the help of Fiona, that will get me there today. It seems like I am cheating, but I like that. I also like that I get to experience a lesson that I was destined to miss. My main concern is that I can get through it without drawing attention to myself.

With this in mind, I shall be bound and gagged and wearing a sign which says "unclean".

Anyway, my chariot awaits!

On safari...

Here's a happy little video.

Today's Disappointing...

CNPS: 0 (4)

Weather:
A little more overcast today, a slightly chilly. Suits me very well.

Mood:
I guess the added stress of severe pain levels makes it difficult to be as positive as normal. I do my best.

Enjoying:
This is a tough category when things are not great. I will say that I am enjoying and somewhat humbled by the friendship and concern people are showing toward me. No-one is bullying me or demanding I follow their wellness program, they are just being supportive and attempting to understand where I'm at.

Micro-Rant:
I'm thinking of doing away with this category - it encourages me to be negative. The only reason I instituted the daily status was because it encouraged me to write something as often as possible. Filling in categories makes it easy to write something even when inspiration is thin on the ground.

Next nice thing:
I really dunno.... Maybe the next nice thing will be feeling better. I look forward to that very much.

Pain: 98% - I'm struggling to keep hold of what I'm doing and I keep erm....vocalising. Most distracting. I fear the pain is totally taking over, and I hate that.

Other comments:
Well, now I'm getting annoyed. It's taken me over an hour to write this already. I had every intention of writing something more meaningful as well, but maybe that will have to wait. I hope my frustration is coming through. I think I'll go and copy some DVDs - I might be able to do that.

Here well and truly endeth the wallowing in self pity. This is /so/ not me. Prepare for relentless upbeatness tomorrow and lots of looking outside myself. Being ill is so very selfish. If I were in power, I would abolish it.