the humble roll

By Liz Curtis

Dedicated to Ian


toilet roll hanging - right and wrong

Next time you go to the loo
'Cos you have something big to do
Please consider the humble roll
And make conservancy your goal
Keep it turning up and over
And you will use so much less

Maybe you need just a wee
That's a two piece, maybe three
A constipated crap is more
So maybe you should start at four
But keep it turning up and over
And you will use so much less

But if a great big dump's your need
Then counting pieces you'll not heed
You'll reel it off in one big go
And not disturb the bowel's flow
But keep it turning up and over
And you will use so much less

Now diarrhea's a different case
It rarely ends up in one place
Yards and yards is what you'll need
For that you'll want a rapid feed
So bugger it and turn it over
And sod it if you don't use less

Comments

[AndyC]

Genius is a strong word...

...but warrented in this case, I feel.

[Ian]

Nice, when your friends start to listen to you,
It means loads of trees won’t get covered in poo.
It may not mean they don’t get chopped and sliced and made into paper
It just means we wont have to flush so much later.

[Rebecca]

I love as much as the advert, luv your bum. We do but 30% more or less, whichever way you want to look at it.

[AndyC]

I was suspicious, at first, of toilet paper made from "recycled". But now that it has been explained to me, I feel better about it.

[Liz Curtis]

Ian, I /know/ you have a toilet. There is simply no need to have to go to the loo behind a tree!
Recycled is the way to go with loo roll.

[Angela]

When you go to have a poo
Think of the roll
Don't flush it all down the loo

Spare a thought for those
Poor old trees
And Liz, another blog entry
Please!!

[Angela]

I like blogging,
I like blogging,
I like blogging and I like to blog
I like blogging,
I like blogging,
If you don't like blogging
Go for a jog
Or sit on the bog
And waste the loo roll

[AndyC]

Oh Angela - you are truly gifted!

As a painter?

[Angela]

I've had a poem published!!! Honestly. Liz might have some luck with that actually. Her poems are rather good!!

[Liz Curtis]

Why, thank you Angela. I class them as class doggerel. :-)

[Angela]

Sorry, you"ve lost me there. I'm not the brightest torch on the block you know ... I'm aware that I subconsciously 'dumbdown' and I've decided it's cos I'm lazy. If people realised how clever I really was (or were??) I'd get loads to do ... I like to be in charge and do what I want to do. told you I was selfish .. is it an age thing??? ( I'm aware this doesn't rhyme it's a prose really!!)