Dr. Alan Statham's Alphabet Song

OK, Jason, you're on.

Everyone sing along, I think I am correct in assuming that the tune is all but irrelevant, as Alan himself barely sings one.

With extensive and heartfelt apologies to any who know not or like not Green Wing. To all others, please enjoy this carefully extracted feast. Thanks to Louise for working so hard with me on this.

Dr. Alan Statham’s Alphabet Song - In Full
[Scene opens with Alan in the Chinese take-away.]

A is for Apendectomy
B is for Barium
C’s for Cystitis
Defibrilate’s for D
(That’s how it goes)
E is for Echocardiagraphy
(It’s quite complex, isn’t it?)
F’s the fucking director
G is for Gob-shite
H-h-h-He-He-Hee is bastard (and)
I is bloody pissed off
J is for Jiggly Jugs (and..nd)
K is for Kicking Arse (and..nd)
Ladylips is L
Nnnn...Mmmmm..mmmm...nn..Nnn - Oh!
Penis is for P
Q is for queer (no, no I’m not queer, not me)
R is for rectum
S is for Shits and Slits (and)
Tiny tits is T (and..nd)
U is a bastard! (and)
V is for Vagina
(Nnnn....errrrrr..)
V..W...X..W... is for Wanky Wank
Y-Fronts is for Y
X-Ray is for...um...Z
(Don’t push me)
And Oh! - A’s an Arsehole
B is a bastard....

[Alan trails off, now fully ejected from the Chinese take-away.]

Comments

[Liz Marshall]

Memorised it yet, Jason?

[Polly]

I memorised it all! I wrote it in my blog too! I love Statham!

[Rosie]

thank you for bringing this wonderful moment into my life once again...
im singing as we speak.
luv xxx

[jade]

love green wing but it would have been nothing without dr alan roderick statham.. funny as fook :.. cheers for that, made me day

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