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May 23, 2005



I'm not familiar with her work myself, but from what you say she sounds like the worst kind of subhuman scum, and she deserves only a slow painful, preferrably embarrasing, death - possibly related in some way to car boots, bric-a-brac and working class people. If I think of anything I'll leave another comment. Ooooh and possibly excrement as well. Would you be happy then, Andy?

Ms Spicer snr.

I can't agree to this poisonous hatred of this dear girl, much as I dislike her myself.


Thanks, Tim.


"Car booty"?


Whats wrong with wearing a lot of makeup?


Tom - Car Booty

OK - Cars here have BOOTS - not Trunks. So we have a kind of market called a "Car Boot Sale" where people arrive with stuff they wish to sell from the boot of their car - which they reverse into position on the market site.

"Car Booty" is therefore a weak play on words. Booty, being a word for a form of treasure or maybe stolen goods. It's nothing more than a poor joke - and totally not what you meant!

Christine - there's nothing wrong with wearing a lot of make-up. After all, it's a woman's or man's choice as to how much stupid make-up they daub themselves with. I have no opinion one way or another on this ridiculous practice.

adam g

lorne spicer makes me sick.

Shelley C.

I am in the U.S. and I must say that Lorne is no fave of mine. Alistair Appleton was such a great presenter on Cash In The Attic that having him followed up with someone who truly seems so insincere is sad. Alistair always seemed so nice and gave a feeling of really being involved in the "action" whereas Lorne alway seems half bored. I don't mind her makeup so much as her really high eyebrows, they frighten me. Okay so Cash In the Attic is on BBCAmerica right now and Lorne is hosting yet here I sit writing this. Sort of sums it up--still love the show, but would like Alistair or someone like Alistair back.

deano raspino

i think lorne is wonderful so genuine and she obviously enjoyes everything she does.
well i might be telling fibs


I really fancy her actually.....especially when she wears those tight trousers.

Andy Curtis

Oh dear, I do worry for you Beelzebum. There's something devilish about your attraction to her...


She does it for me.

I like to "slum it" sometimes.


how old is lorne spicer, i think she is a lot older than she makes out.


She should be hanged.


I hate it when she mispronounces words...the latest one to grind on me is Jewellery which she pronounces as "Joolry" and that artificial false and warmth at all.Sometimes the camera zooms in on her when she is yawning. Bring back Alistair Appleton and Ben Fogle.I have seen a scottish chap called Angus too...anyone is prefereable to this lump of artificial boredom.


OMG i've found a place where other people dislike her...thank god 4 that....She really is so false and so...mnah if u get my drift u just wanna kinda...throw things at the TV when shes on cos u can she her judging every person she feel better now!


i think the fact she owns a company with her husband buying and selling antiques and things they and others have collected proves that she is interested in what she is doing.

and if you see the clip andy is refering too, you will see it's like 5am, every take has gone wrong and it's pissing down with rain. she has a right too be pissed off with the day. and she never once called them losers. stop implying and get with the facts. or post the video clip so people here can see for themselves


lorne is seriously hot, i know she wears lots of makeup, but she is really sexy, i wanna screw her brains out and do her from behind while squeezing her big tits yeah


Ian, please remember to leave comments with your own name on - we know it's you...


Backing up Cheryl's point, does anyone actually know how old she is? I reckon she's got to be 40.


I think she is gorgeous all the same despite your feelings!


I have met and worked with Lorne Spicer on Beat the Baliff and I will say that yes she is a very attractive sucessful woman. She is 43 years old and has a young 4 year son and is recently devorced. She seems to enjoy flirting with the young camera crew showing off her legs and boots, but enjoys little else. Her heart is not in her job, I believe money is her thing. But don't worry, Lorne will always have a place in the elderly viewers heart for an arrogant middle aged TV presenter, disliked by the young and hated by anyone that has a sense of worth. But having said that if Lorne came up to me, and propositioned me with a night of mad, uncensorsed, adult, hot, dominating, panting, wet and passionate love making, I would not decline the offer. But if she asked to look around my house before all of this, I would tell her to get on her bike, preferably with no seat, just the tube and keep biking till she reaches Glasgow, to which she can then stop and take off her clothes so people can take in the view, hopefully by then they might have some real idea as to her age.

Andy Curtis

Kyan - Part of me wants to remove your comment because it is so very rude.

Trouble, the same reason means that I have to leave it.

Thanks for making me smile.


Crikey, I am so glad I am not famous. I can look old, fat and wrinkled and nobody gives a toss, positive side to everything then.


Kyan Can I be the tube on the bike please. All the way to Glasgow with Lorne on my face sounds lovely!


Lorne who?

Arthur Deakin

Like you said, totally false, enough makeup to plaster a wall and no sense of dress, spoils a lot of great progs.


i thought lovely lorne woz single now and wanna screw her in every position. she iz so sexy and has great tits. i dont care how old she iz i just want her now as she iz so hott.


That terrible voice, and even worse the artificial 'larf'. I don't know who sounds worse - her or bloody Gary Rhodes.


You all have hit the nail on the head - CITA was so good with Alistair - even Ben Fogle gave it a good go. We are now getting "Everything Must Go" on BBC America and the first thing that should have gone is Lorne. Tuppence for sale anyone?

Peter Scott

I can't stand her. She's such a phony. I watched her doing CITA today and noticed that the camera seemed to zoom into her cleavage as though it was something wonderful to behold. Which it isn't.


Well said everyone.

For the sake of daytime television, please, BBC, sack Lorne.

Jessica Raiters

I think the above URL says it


Nice one Jessica. Wonderful stuff.

peter warner

false as fuck , tits not as big as made out , good bras . still give her 1 thou . from behind . good big arse .

walter man

a lovely caring middleaged woman .with amazing dress sense . the sooner her career declines , the more chance there is of her doing porn .


look at me i can type

honest John

I had the misfortune to bump into Lorne Spicer filming car booty at a boot sale in Essex.
She was with that wide boy spiv Mark Franks.

On closer inspection I can confirm that Lorne was caked up in make up which looked like it had been applied using a cement mixer and trowell.
Her dress sense was so terrible I thought I was on a lsd trip and hallucinating.

She had a pair of expensive sunglasses perched on her mutton dressed as lamb blonde hair cut.
Her teeth were uneven and as yellow as piss in an unflushed toilet.

Although she looks slim on television her lose fitting clothes hide the fact that this munter obviously wears dawn french's hand me downs.
The cameraman had to fit a widescreen lense to get one cheek of her overfed arse in.

I find the sound of nails being scratched on a blackboard more pleasant than listening to her revolting and false laugh.
She wallowed in the fact that everyone was looking at her and acted like a queen well more like a pearly queen with that accent that would not be out of place in a lock stock movie.

Lorne Spicer is definately no oil painting in fact she is not even a coat of primer.
I have flushed better looking turds down the toilets.

I must also bring into question her skills as a valuer.
I asked her to value my stock on my boot sale stall.
She said had they been genuine they would of been worth hundreds but as they were copies they were worth nothing.

[Some text removed for legal reasons - thanks for your comment - Andy]

steve duff

lets face it , fat ,plastered in make up ,horrid clothes . but we would all shag her , in fact she does it for me .

terry o neil

i reckon mark franks has fucked her . the other ones aint got it in em .


As an antiques dealer I have had the unpleasant experience of meeting Lorne. Apart from patronising me for being just a dealer as apposed to a TV personality, it is apparent that she has absolutely no idea about antiques. Selling other peoples collectables on a website isn't really that hard and doesn't require knowledge or skill. I think she is in love with the Camera more than anything, and sees herself above car boots and auctions. She dresses like a drag queen and the heavy makeup is to cover a pock marked face.

King dong

I recently met lady muck Lorne at a boot sale just of the A12.
She was just coming out of a portaloo as I was queing up to go in.
As I stepped in the shabby shithouse I noticed that lorne had flushed, but the end of the bog roll had not yet been washed away.
So 20% intistinct and 80% pervertism made me grab hold of it.

The andrex had a big skid mark down the centre which showed signs of a high fibre diet.
I took the toilet paper back to Lorne and asked her to value it.
She looked at it straight away and said "this is shit"

Now you can call her a dog faced,drag dressing heavily made up whore but that bitch had her valuation spot on.


I am appalled at the disgraceful and pernicious vilification of the gorgeous fluffy love bunny that is Lorne Spicer - I would sell my children into slavery to be patronised by her for just for 30 seconds. I would coquettishly render my tawdry collection of imitation miniature gnomes, just to bask in her lovingly manicured disdain - As I sit here quivering in baseless anticipation of her caustic charms. I catch a fleeting whimsy of us together her bent provactively over her stall inviting me to partake of her plump and licentious booty! As i write this i am simultaneously banging my lolling head against an old fridge door Screaming the same mantra over and over...WHY! WHY!! WHY!!!


she is how every woman in the world should be/she has everything.
it is amystery why she has not posed for mens magazines.

drew peacock

I live next door to lorne spicer and one evening she left her washing out on the line to dry.
I jumped over her fence and took her knickers of the line.
They were black and lacy and I couldn't resist temptation.
I pulled my dick out and had a five knuckle shuffle making sure my love juice went all other the gusset of lorne's lovely panties.

After I had finished I jumped back other the fence and put her panties back.
Every time I see her on tv I get a stiffie thinking she may be wearing my semen close to her pussy.


I worked for Miss lady muck as her nanny...i had been the 3rd in a year I left at the end of September this year......I have lots of stories I could tell and I am sure the press would be interested......she is NEVER at a car boot at 5am!!! She turns up at about 9am!!...yes she cakes her self in makeup...I did live with her for 12 weeks!!!! NEVER again and I pity the new nanny....lets just say she does not do things by the books.....and the courts!!!

peter manning

the nanny . go to the press and make some money out of her , she probly paid you peanuts .

kevin fell

watched one episode of cash in the attic where the camera was following her , while peaches by the stranglers was playing . class

Honest John

A few years ago I had a temp job as a maintenance man at the Dorchester
Hotel in Park Lane.
Well about a week before christmas who comes and stays at our upmarket b&b?
Only that pock faced porker or Lorne Spicer to you and me.
Anyway about 1 hour after she checks in I get a message from the tiny
tittied teen working on reception.
Apparently Lorne had been having a dump then found the toilet would not
Princess Lorne complained to the tiny tittied teen " I'm not effing have it
your bang out of order come and fix my shitter pronto"
Well I stop picking my nose imediately and put down my Daily Sport and go to
rooom 124.
"About bleeding time" commented princess Lorne as I knocked then entered
her room.
I notice that in real life princess Lorne does not look the same as she
does on telly.
She was shorter and fatter also her norks were saggy and heading south.
She shows me into the toilet and points to a turd floating in the bowl "my
Richard the third won't flush" she said.
"Leave it to me" I say but the porky princess had already left the room to
go and get a drink.
She returns 2 minutes later with a pint of cider and takes a swig "I would
offer you a drink but your on duty"she burps.
Do you want a pork scratching? she says as she takes a bag out of her
Being a northerner I'm not used to such sophistication and decline her offer
as I'm not sure which fork to use.
I'll leave you to it then grunts the mutton dressed as lamb presenter and heads back to
the other room and turns the television on and up loudly.
After 30 minutes I finally get the turd to flush and call the fat bitch back in.
"your a bleeding star" says lard arse Lorne "I thought I was going to wet
myself I'm dying to do a gypsies kiss".
With me still in the room she hitches up her size 18 skirt and pulls down
her Janet reger knickers over her portly thighs.
As the sound of piss hit porcelain I bid Lorne Goodbye.

Honest John

Im on me way to cash me giro and I decide to call into my local pub the
fisted flange.
As I open the door I see the pub is heaving with wall to wall totty.
Im wearing a clean shell suit and a dab of Brut behind the ears so Im
looking dead tasty.
I see a bird with her back to me so I give her arse a little pinch,with my
With this she lets out an almighty scream and turns round so Im face to face
with her herring factory.
I stand up and give it the "all right treacle" line as my opening gambit.
"Did you pinch my effing chuff" says the bird with a bigger north and south
than me.
I notice that she is pregnant and obviously drinking for two by the double
whiskey in her hand.
The whole pub goes silent and looks at us "it's Lorne Spicer
out of Cash In The Attic " I hear somebody whisper.
By now Lornes face was bright red and she looked like she was going to
deck me.
I had a split second to decide my fate what was I going to do?
I have never been in favour of hitting a woman that was until I tried it
about two years ago.
Some old lady on a bus asked me to give up my seat on a bus and was being
verbally abusive when I said swivel grandma.
Something inside me clicked and without fear of my own safety and only 4
years boxing experience I took on this 6 stone bully.
With hindsight I was overly aggressive maybe I should of stopped punching
her when she was in the ambulance.
Though if an old lady wants to talk the talk she better be prepared to walk
the walk with me.
Fast forward now 2 seconds and Lorne has her arm swinging at my face trying
to slap me.
Call it instinct but I push her away using both hands on her breasts coping
a crafty feel.
She quickly gets up again and is as mad as hell.
I jab jab and uppercut "this ones for you’re your fake laugh" I sneer as I hit her
straight on the chin.
Needles to say my dazzling display of the Queensbury rules sees her knocked

tom hamberger

how horrible most of you are, I havnt seen Lorne in over 20 years and since I dont live in the UK I must admit I have never once seen her on TV, infact until today I had no idea how famous or infamous she had become. Anyway I was in Lornes class at school for 5 years and she was my first ever date to see Grease in Romford Essex. She was always loud , always very upfront but she is definatley 100% real, thats Lorne . Good luck to you girl, dont take any noitice of these sad yanks, it sounds like youre the same as you have always been , it was nice to think about you again x


Tom. TOM. TOM!!

I am always accepting of other people's views, but this really takes the biscuit, so to speak.

Both myself and the majority of people who read this blog, are British.

Feel free to disagree with us - that's fine.

kevin brown

lorne and jennie bond in a 3some . it dont get a lot better than that !


the lot of you are a all small minded wankers with nothing better to do.
you all have no respect or class.

you are pond scum, f*^&%ng muppets, get a life you bunch of [expletive removed]

petee watner

i think she looks good . so there

Face man

"You can't polish a turd" so the old saying goes.
This seems appropiate when you look at Lorne Spicer.
She is mutton dressed as muttons granny.
I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.


lorne spicer is a very attractive ladie and i would love to get my hands on her shes beautifull

Nick Ryan

Please save some of your vitriol and venom for the inane and utterly pointless Catherine Gee who greets all home owners with the words "Nice to see you Now..."
articulated in those ridiculous strangulated vowels of hers. How does she hold down this job?......or indeed any.

Nick Ryan

......but you are right about Lorne Spicer.

Mark Franks

As some of you may know I work on cash in the attic with Lorne.
So maybe I can clear up a few rumours about her.

Yes she does wear a lot of make up but thats just to hide her pock marked face.

She is infact 52 though I suspect that may be in dog years.

Her husband left her because she was an alcholic and the booze made her frigid.

Yes I shagged her once years ago but she gave me gonerea.

Yes Alistair was gay I also shagged him as well and gave him gonerea.

Lorne once pinched a piece of doulton from a blind womans house.


I can;t understand all the hate! I love the woman, very attractive and curvaceous! Top Essex totty!


Damn, you guys are evil-minded. Lorne Spicer's attractiveness is a circular argument (sic). You either like the over-ripe look or you don't (yes please!). So far as her insincerity/arrogance/patronising attitude goes, there is little room for argument.
IMHO, she is hardly interested in any of the subjects of her extensive portfolio of TV presentational duties, but it is not her fault that the boneheads at the BBC overexpose her until even her child would be sick of the sight of her. I can only repeat this excellent URL:

Melissa Connie Lover

Ugh I switched on the telly at about 4am (insomnia dammit)

and there she was....she's everywhere!!!

World Lorne Domination...


Lorne Spicer on Beat the Baliff...?

What a crock of shite, she should be shot.

So should those baliffs.

A sad excuse for entertainment.

wayne more

dont care , would love to offload on those lovely big tits


I agree with the comment about Catherine Gee, she's got a face like a hatchet. And she cant sat 'room'. Rum!!?? Feck off!

Lorne is lovely though. I like irritating women. And I bet she's well dirty.


she is the one thing in life i truly hate;
'Cash in the Attic' was good before she came along and soiled it with her fishy mouth and condescending demeanor

and she treats Jonty Hearnden like a piece of shit, even though the man is clearly some kind of demi-god

i wouldn't touch her. not even with a paper bag on her head and alot of LSD.


She's a f*&^%$g retard, with a voice that would melt eyeballs at a thousand yards.


If Lorne Spicer did a show wearing just a Bikini, would it be called "Gash in the attic"!!
As of late it appears that she is not wearing her wedding ring. Anybody know why?


Stick 'Car Booty' on now and check out Lorne's coat ... now which charity shop did she get THAT from?? Dark brown top merging into glorious garish flowers below. Definitely unique!!

Rumple foreskin

Her teeth are as yellow as piss and she dresses like Noel edmonds in drag.
All that money she earns and she looks like shit.
Money can't buy you style or class and she is living proof you can't polish a turd.


just watched cash in the attic . lorne was wearing tight red trousers , giving a lovely view of her chocolate orange . lush ,


lorne has just left my screen again and so as my stiffy.big bum covered in a pink jump suit.


Lorne Spicer is herself a cliche who speaks entirely in cliches, and adopts the precise stance she believes is appropriate at any one time. I would like to tickle her till she wets herself on camera.
On the plus side, she does, I believe, have a cat.


I am a regular viewer of "car booty" as I enjoy the programme and seeing what people can get for their "unwanted" stuff, but i certainly dont watch it for Lorne Spicer,she has a very irritating laugh, which is very much put on and very false.I too saw the out take where she said about the "lowlifes" and it didnt shock me one bit, if you watch the programme, occasionally you see the odd look she gives someone, and its usually with contempt. Or she picks something up as if shes worried about catching something. I get the impression Mark Franks doesnt like her, but as he works with her, I guess he has to put up with her.
Why on earth does she wear those irritating woollen coats, even in the summer?! whats with all that, for god sake, does she have some kind of disease where she darent show an inch of flesh apart from whats on her face or hands?


OMG! She was at V dressed as a cowgirl & having her bum groped by her fella. Classic z list moment!

rumple foreskin

Even John Leslie wouldn't shag that munter

osama bin laden

Normally TV stars never have much time for the public.
Well I can only speak from personal experience and found Lorne to be very responsive to written correspondence.
No sooner had I sent her letter saying “Time to die bitch” written in my own shit.
When she writes back immediately informing me she would be getting a restraining order against me.

How refreshing to see that she can take time from her busy schedule being a patronising cow on TV.
To instigate legal proceeding against a schizophrenic Muslim fanatic with an unhealthy obsession with guns.


Can someone settle a bet I have with my friend?
He says Lorne is pretty knowledgeable on the works of the Art deco potter Clarice Cliff.
I say that Lorne Spicer is a dog, who is right?

peter the snitch

You are both right.
Lorne is indeed knowledgeable on the works of Clarice Cliff and she is also a dog.

Tonty blair

Can someone please help me?
I’m writing a poem about Lorne spicer and I can’t find a word that rhymes with Tuppence licker.


im sure that its possible to buy Lorne Spicer fake smiles at joke shops up and down the country.......

Gregory Webb

Oh my God! You would think Lorne was the Devil himself or herself. Please don't think me an ignorant American, but I enjoy the shows "Cash In The Attic" and "Everything must go" in which Lorne seems to be quite down to earth. Her atire may be over the top in some cases but all in all I believe she is a beautiful woman who has found her nich.

Lew Troop

Here in the United States we see Ms. Spicer primarily on CASH IN THE ATTTIC and EVERYTHING MUST GO. Apart from her mentioned "plastic" smile her strangled, forced laugh is hardly endurable. And, please, can't the BBC afford to purchase a new coat for the woman? That pink number looks as if it came straight from a charity shop. There have been two better presenters, Alistair Appleton and Angus Purden and one equally bad, Ben Gable. (Though I quite admire his Mother, Julia Foster)I'm addicted to "Cash" and am ever hopeful that Jonty Hearnden or Paul Hayes will finally be pressed beyond what they can bear and either demand she go elsewhere or just, for the hell of it, punch her out. On the other hand, many of the auctioneers, notably Tom Keane, are bright, interesting persons who almost make me forgive her presence.

S Wonder

I think she is the best looking woman on TV.


Gregory - in England we put an 'e' on the end of niche ...

The chocolate muncher

Just to show that I have to much time on my hands and an unhealthy hatred of Lone Spicer.
Here is an anagram of her name:

Recline Pros

lord lucan

Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger but Lorne ain't hanging with no broke niggers.


I remember being at school with Lorne spicer.
She has not aged as well as me though.

Ron Jeremy

Can someone help me with a poem I'm writing about Lorne.
I can't think of a last line to end with.
All I have so far is:

There once was a lady called Lorne
Who starred in a film doing porn
Men would come on her tits
some sailors fingered her clit


There must be ay least one other guy who would want to get his hand into her bra and down her knickers


She is freakin horrible, false laugh stinks. I don't know who sits there and decides to pick her for any job on the TV. It looks like she smokes about 500 fags a day by her skanky old lips. 43 I recon she is more like 55. Whay a horrible, horrible women. that out take showed her true colours, every out take I've seen its shows her foul mouthed ways. I dont mind usually but when your on TV I would imagine you shouldn't act like a scummy bitch.


i think i have only ever onced watched 'car booty' and had it on as background noise as i was getting ready to go out, the only thing i noticed was that it sounded like Lorne was reading what she was saying, almost like she was reading to a child.. patronising as hell.. it got turned of afer 10 minutes, and i suggest everyone else was to do the same. she is a bore.

Adolf Hitler

Okay I bombed England during the war.
Okay I killed the odd Jew, but even I Adolf Hitler, would never let Lorne Spicer on television.
She would have been thrown out of the Gestapo for cruelty.

I took my life, not because I was losing the war, but because I saw the BBC TV schedules.
The holocaust is one thing but no one should have to endure Lone on Cash in the attic.


I think Lorne is the best presenter on TV at the moment, she is so genuine and funny, her beautiful flowing blonde hair wouldnt look out of place on an angel. I've studied the TV closely many times (aprox 1" away from screen) on Car Booty and i can honestly say that I have only ever seen the slightest trace of make up. I love her super summer blouses, they really show off her figure. I would love to meet her just so I could hopefully make her laugh so I could hear that magical sound, only then will my life be complete. Those of you out there who dont like Lorne simply dont understand her, I know her, I love her, one day i will meet her. shes my life. I would love to chat to any other lorne fans out there, i have all the car booty episodes on VHS home taped, and several homemade posters in my bedroom.


such an attractive lady. simply gorgeous. xxx


Oh my word....I am so inspired with all these comments about the bitch on heat, they call Lorne Spicer. My girlfriend used to take the piss out of me about her. I can't stand her but G/F reakons it's a love hate thing.

As a joke I put her picture on my works laptop as my background, to wind my G/F up for a laugh.

Unfourtunatly, I forgot to take it off and whilst on a job, booted the lappy up. The customer I was visiting saw the background on the screen of Lorne, and asked if that was my "Girlfriend".

I was almost physically sick with that thought in my mind and extreamly embarressed. I decieded to drop the laptop on the floor to smash it and then once off site, I burned it with a flame thrower, which I had used to kill weeds in the garden.

When my boss found out he was sympathetic as regards the embarresment of Lorne on my desktop, but sacked me for destroying the laptop :-(

Now I have no job, and my G/F left me.

Damm you Lorne Spicer.


Lorne Spicer drives me nuts... I mean I just fancy the pants off her! In todays programme 'cash in the attic' 7th feb, 2008, she spread her legs getting off a bed and gave us a flash of white knickers! If I could lay my hands on just one naked pic of her, my life would be complete! Well, that and a used pair of her knickers too! Steve.


It is Lorne false laugh that really gets me. it doesn't matter how many times I hear it it always makes me cringe. The public she is dealing with are not stupid and I am sure that when they get a chance to be on one of the shows she presents their hearts must sink when they realise that they have got Lorne. Bring back Alaistair.



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